Tuesday, 27 November 2007

Male and Female Friendship?

I took a "sick" day from work yesterday. Solicitor and I just couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. Things are a lot more relaxed between us now. I think we really broke a barrier with our deep conversation last week.

On Saturday we went out for dinner with Bimbo and Pierce. Although we booked a table at a nice Thai restaurant we ended up going to pizza express. (Thai food makes Bimbo nauseous). We had a good night. Solicitor and Pierce got on really well together. I always think its nice when friends get along with the person you're seeing.

On our drive back to Solicitors after dinner we had a conversation about friends. I told Solicitor that I have more male friends than female friends.

Solicitor: The only reason you have more male friends is because you're a good looking girl.

Me: Excuse me! The only reason I have more male friends is because good female friends are hard to come by. Gossip and bitching always gets in the way.

Solicitor: Do you honestly think that half of the men that you know would have bothered to speak to you and form a friendship if you weren't pretty?

Me: Yes I do! Men are not that shallow!

Solicitor: I bet every one of your male friends has thought about you sexually before.

Me: I don't think so! Do you think about your female friends that way?

Solicitor: I don't have many now. But when I did sex would enter my mind a least once for a few of the really pretty ones.

Me: Men and women can be Friends without thinking about sex.

Solicitor: That's what women think!

Me: So I should be jealous of your thoughts about your female friends then?

Solicitor: I don't have any pretty female friends so no. I should be worried about your male friends perving on you!

Me: What?!

The conversation turned into a debate but it ended well. When we got to his front door we were already kissing and thumbling with buttons...

I'm still convinced that men and women can be friends without one of them thinking about sex and Solicitor is convinced that any male friend of a pretty woman has thought about sex with her at least once.

Any thoughts?


Kitty said...

I think it's possible for men and women to be friends without sex getting in the way - but then I'm a woman, and according to Solicitor, that's what women think! I have quite a few male friends - and always have had. People are people - I don't think about sleeping with my female friends anymore than my male ones.

So I'm with you! :-) x

Benjamin Fennell said...

I'd say it's plenty plausible. I've had more female than male friends in my life overall, and sex pretty much never enters the picture. Many of said friendships were online, granted, but I had plenty of platonic female friends throughout college, and sex was never an issue there either. They obviously weren't attracted to me like that - as most women aren't - and they weren't my types. Women I have any kind of romantic chemistry or spark with are extremely hard to find.

Granted, I still tend to mull things over in my mind when looking at my friendships, so I do wonder "If something odd happened, would I sleep with this person?" So I considered the question, certainly, but the interest just wasn't there, as there was no spark or chemistry. Just as I didn't do anything for them, they didn't do anything for me. But that didn't stop us from being good friends and having a lot of fun. Attraction never even really enters the picture for me in choosing friends to begin with. As has probably come across in my blog a few times, I tend to be very much a passive observer type. I don't make a ton of friends, just whoever comes along and talks with me, whoever I have something in common with to talk about, and so forth. But I can honestly say that my finding a woman attractive has ever entered into the equation in making friends. Hell, the lovely woman I've been in love with unrequited for as long as I have now was the one to first talk to me. Had she not, after inevitably making an impression on me in the class we shared back then, I probably wouldn't have had the guts to say anything to her, in part because of her daunting beauty.

Wow, this comment got way too long far too quickly. Sorry 'bout that.

Ruby said...

I agree....men and women can be friends without sex being in the picture. I'm the same as you Elise...I have plenty male friends and very few female friends...since I can't stand the fact that girls can be so utterly ful of crap at times.
I know for a fact that some of my friends are only my friends now because they fell in love with me when they first met me....but most of my male friends are simply my friends. Sexuality has never been an issue.....I think Solicitor might be confused?

Grilled Pizza said...

Husband and i have had the same conversation, he agrees with solicitor and im with you!
Although i have to say the closer you look the more you might believe his theory, it happens more than we would care to believe!

Glugster said...

I'm with Solicitor on this one.

Wow, my first comment less than 30 lines :)

Samuel Goh Kim Eng said...

Either answer is possible depending on whether one is objective or subjective on this matter.

There is really no hard and fast rule and the final answer depends on the individual concerned, usually based on personal background, education and experience.

Samuel Goh Kim Eng
Tue. 27th Nov. 2007.

C.Rag said...

I don't have a lot of female friends for the same reason. I have more male friends, & I totally agree with Solicitor.
Men always think of sex. It doesn't mean they are pervs. It's just how it is.

Although I think of sex too with my male friends that are attractive, but don't tell my husband that one.

hayley-emsley said...

HELL YEH! I have more guy mates than girls, i find girls really hard to work out and one slightest move and you have "upset her". My 3 best mates comprise of 2 lads and a girl. My girl mate is really down to earth and is like a lad in the sense that she finds it hard to settle down and even thinks like a bloke. My 2 lad mates are my mates and they have girlfriends, whom they are engaged to! My husband thinks the same as me as he knows the lads and are my mates and nothing more. They see me as one of the lads and i like that!

My lad mates in work i find i can really get on with, they are honest, laid back and funny! Girls can be wayyyy to serious! I like to joke around and have a laugh, not sit there and paint my nails and talk about hair. The lads see me as one of them and that is it. I don't believe i am pretty enough for them to think sexually about me!

So Elise, me and my husband are with you!

Hayley x

Mike said...

I think it is possible for men and women to be friends, but if the woman is attractive, sexual thought almost always enter into it somehow.

Kathleen said...

I like that new word, Elise: "thumbling". That ought to be in the dictionary. Very good.

I had one really good male friend for quite some time. We had been boyfriend and girlfriend for a while when we were 18, but we were never lovers. As his friend, I was content, but I always had the feeling he wanted more. We kind of lost touch and he got married. Then we were friends again, but she didn't like me. Now he's divorced and I'm extremely happily married. I haven't changed my feelings for him, but my husband thinks he still "carries a torch". Who knows? He was the one who broke it off way back when. Now he's regretting his decision, I guess. I'm not.


Michelle Hix said...

10 comments already? Where have I been? Did I go to bed early? You guys started the party without me!

This is a tough subject. But let me say this about women...if you can get passed the bs from high school and college with your gals and you remain friends, something wonderful happens. You start going through real life together. Yes, real life, like cancer and divorce and death and sadly but fortunately, this brings you together in a way that you couldn't have imagined when you were younger. Oh, someone please stop me from sounding old. But its true. I've had my same 5 girlfriends from highschool from over 20 years ago. We are now close than ever and have passed the gossip stage (okay, we gossip...just not about each other anymore). As far as guys and girls being friends, well, I don't think it has anything to do with "being attractive" because being attractive doesn't necessarily mean someone is going to be "attracted" to you. But if a guy or girl is attracted to the other, its going to be tough. Tense and frustrating at times but still a lovely friendship could evolve if you have good self control.

Christopher Gehler said...

Honestly Elise, most men think about sex at the beginning of a relationship with a female. It usually fades when a friendship blossoms. So you and Solicitor are both right, but in your own ways. Neither absolute is correct, keep that in mind.

Anonymous said...

I think about sex with a guy from the moment I meet him. If I think he is cute. Once he is a friend, I have either slept with him, Or I didn;'t want to. So, from that point on, I don't think of friends as sex objects LOL


Anonymous said...

Sorry for the double post.. But Elise I really enjoy your blog. I would love to put a link for your blog from mine. Sorry this is off topic but I didn't know how to contact you.

my email is on my blog


Tequila Mockingbird said...

i prefer male friends. women are too catty, and yes, it's totally possible to have guys friends that you dont fuck. that doesnt neccessarily mean they dont want to fuck you, but whatever. it just ensures that they buy the drinks when you go out. it's only bad to have unrequieted lust in a male-female friendship if you lead the person on... if they KNOW you arent going to fuck 'em then it's their choice to either get over it, or continue to pine away.
ok, done rambling.

Linda and her Surroundings said...

You can be friends but not have sex. But, I always think about sex if my male friends are attractive. I just don't shag them though.

Most of my friends are male, if they think about having sex with me they have never told me. It would not be appropriate.

I agree with you Solicitor. Men think of sex all the time - but then again, so do many women, they just don't admit it.

Chickie said...

I agree with you but my husband has Solicitor's view.

Keriam said...

I think that I have had both kinds of friendships with men. I have male best friends because women are just too darn catty. No offense women but is it not true that at least once in your life you have run across the woman who is sizing you up the instant she sees you and the claws come out. I think I have just always gotten on with men better because I have more in common with them. Sports, hunting, fishing, etc. That doesn't mean I don't like a good old fashion bubble bath and the outfit that makes me look hot. I think you are both right Elise there are both kinds of people out there.

hansu_87 said...

I think someday or the other, sex comes into the picture! I've had very good female friends for years but then we landed up having sex!!!!

Cocaine Princess said...

You and I have a little something in common. I too have more male friends than i do female friends.

Cocaine Princess said...

I forgot to add in my last comment:

Cocaine Princess

TED VELVET said...

what are you smoking? Denile ain't just a river. As long as the female friend is somewhat attractive, the guy wants to fuck her. It's not like he's dying to do it but if the situation came about where the girl wanted to have sex, 99 times out of a 100, the guy would say yes. Women put men into the friend box and tend to think, ok, he's safe, I dropped him into the friend zone, which to you makes him dickless. Wrong! Any guy that you're friends with and isn't gay would bang you in a second if he got the chance. Men are different animals, and another thing, big life talks with men usually don't mean too much. We're just trying to get through them and say pretty much anything we think you want to hear so you'll shut up. The same old behaviors and attitudes that you think you've cured us of with your talks will always return leading to more fucking talks. Don't listen to Benjamin he's playing the fake, I'm a good guy game. Which he thinks women like, but they don't. They like assholes like me.

Amanda said...

That's a toughie, and I'm and inbetweener here.

I have a lot of male friends because, well, they're more straightforward and less bitchy. Exactly like you said. But my male friends are pretty open with me because I'm taken, so they know there's no point in trying to impress them. And it seems to me like most guys assess women based on their Sex Potential, at least at first. So your Solicitor is kinda right.

That said, it doesn't mean your male friends are only friends with you because you're pretty. Guys aren't necessarily friends with only girls they want to sleep with, I'm just saying they tend to assess a girl first, then decide whether they want to be just friends or not. So they've probably thought about sex, but it's not really "in the picture". If that makes any sense.

And they'd be your friends regardless, I think, of your sex potential. Unless you're Jessica Alba, then they'd probably be too distracted :-P

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

Solicitor is correct. You are wrong.