Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Monday, 29 October 2007
Friday, 26 October 2007
Thursday, 25 October 2007
- We're going to invite a few more girls so it looks like a real girls-night-out thing. I'll pop into Admin tomorrow and invite Bimbo and the girls and Preppy is going to invite the two other girls in Accounts.
- I'll go see Stoner in the Creative department and ask him for a small favour. As we are planning a girls-night-out maybe he can plan a boys night out on the same night. (LOL an advanced leaving party for Old Prick)
- Whilst pub crawling we all accidentally end up in the same place. Hopefully Piggy and Old Prick will be legless at this point.
- Maybe something might happen....
It occurred to Preppy and I over lunch that Piggy and Old Prick are pretty much perfect for each other. If this doesn't work I'm sure we'll get many embarrassing stories for work the next week...
Wednesday, 24 October 2007
I spent yet another day away from my office. Gay Boss and Old Prick had another confidential meeting regarding Old Prick's invitation to leave. God knows what more they have to discuss. This is dragging on far too long, my ideas for reorganising and decorating the office have been put on hold.
I spent the morning in Admin with Bimbo "going over the schedule". As usual Bimbo had the latest issue of Vogue spread out on her desk along with her industrial sized make-up bag. Today she decided to try out the dark smokey look on me; modeled on five spreads by an insanely thin model with dark skin and unnaturally blue eyes. There's something very therapeutic about make-overs. I'm not sure whether its the feeling of soft brush strokes massaging the face or the anticipation of what you're going to look like in the end. Maybe its the combination, coupled with Bimbo's mindless chatter. I allowed myself to relax and enjoy the pampering for a full two hours.
I left Admin around 11:30am looking beautiful. I convinced Bimbo to remove the smokey look and redo my face to suit "the office look". She reluctantly agreed even though it looked "really, really nice!". She definitely should have been a professional make-up artist.
I decided to toddle off to Accounts to waste time and to see if anything new had happened. Accounts is usually the most boring department in the company, most people take life way too seriously. Whenever I walk towards their offices a little voice inside my head tells me to walk professionally.
There are a few simple techniques to walking professionally:
1) Stand up straight and rigid, shoulders back, chin up.
2) Always walk with a purpose and with the heel-toe rhythm (heel-toe-hell-toe...)
3) When passing other colleagues make eye contact and give a swift nod
4) Arms by your sides and absolutely no fidgeting
When I arrived I was greeted by Piggy with a loud snort. Piggy definitely has the worst attitude in the world. As usual there was a tight frown on her sweaty pink face and her beady eyes scornfully sized me up. "He's not here" she stated. Who? What the hell is she on about? "and if I were you I'd be ashamed. Trying to mess about with a married man." Piggy stomped passed me, her limp pony-tail swinging viciously from side-to-side.
I stood still. Extremely confused and angry that Piggy could ever accuse me of anything like it. Preppy, who had over heard Piggy's outrageous comment smiled kindly and offered me a cup of tea. I don't think I've ever properly spoken to Preppy before, other than the swift nod I hardly see her. She seems nice enough.
Over a nice cup of tea Preppy explained Piggy's accusation. A couple of weeks ago Piggy saw me and 4eyes slip into the disabled toilets together and lock the door. She jumped to the conclusion that there was something going on. (For the real story behind that read blog: Monday Morning Clarity...) Preppy also told me that Piggy has a major crush on 4eyes. Wow, Accounts isn't so boring after all!
Preppy is quite good to talk to. The two of us seem to have similar personalities. She doesn't like Piggy almost as much as I hate Old Prick.
We're having lunch tomorrow. I think a bit of mischief is on the menu.....
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Monday, 22 October 2007
Friday, 19 October 2007
Last week Gay Boss went through all employees' emails and found emails from Old Prick. He even called up all of our clients and got emails sent to them from Old Prick. (My plan had the same outcome but it sort of involved hacking into the administrative computer and stealing and copying. I'm glad I didn't do it. How stupid would that have been!) Between big meetings and organising key events this week, Gay Boss filed all emails and other evidence into folders for the lawyer. Needless to say he had a long week.
Old Prick is still acting "normal". He doesn't seem to realise that everybody knows everything and that we all hate him.
Earlier this week I had a meeting with a couple of directors and a seriously smart mathematician. (I never even knew you could do that as a profession!). I'm not exactly the dumbest person in the world but for five long hours I had absolutely no idea what was being said. The conversation was a bit too technical. I maintained a professional appearance and often agreed with the mathematician: "Of course I completely understand your point of view, but in my opinion the formula proposed seems to incorporate the best possible outcome for all our needs."
At the time I think I pulled if off. They all took my opinion into consideration. This morning I received an email from one of the directors suggesting that we individually write up a report on the outcome of the meeting stating the pros and cons. He thinks it will give more insight to every body's thoughts on the matter and will help with the final decision.
I don't know what to do... I'm tired and pissed off... and its safe to say I'm completely fucked!
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
After reading Keriam's comment yesterday I have decided to take up his suggestion and discreetly look for more emails from Old Prick to other people. Because I can't tell anyone the current situation due to the confidentiality clause, I have thought of a plan.
Okay its probably just as illegal as breaching confidentiality but its going to be so worth it if I pull it off!
I'll explain everything later, and hopefully the outcome will be successful.......
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Gay Boss almost had a heart attack when he checked his email from home. I found him in his office this morning wrapped up in two jumpers sipping hot Lemsip with a mountain of paper at his feet. He handed me the printed email and I couldn't believe what Old Prick had written:
- He claimed that the reason that existing clients had not been contact by him in the last three months was due to a technical problem with his Internet and phone line. (Okay we had a minor difficulty with the Internet a while ago but it was just our office. We were free to use the Internet in other offices. As for the phone line, there were absolutely no problems at all!)
- He also claimed the technical difficulty had hindered his communication with New Business Contacts. (The minor problem with the Internet has no relevance to any of this!)
Gay Boss asked me to check my email history to find an email sent from Old Prick during that three month period. Apparently Old Prick has a massive gap in his inbox during that period, highlighting the "lack of Internet access". Fuck! I updated my email last Monday. I deleted all emails from my inbox to clear space!
At the request of Gay Boss I called Scruffy Artist to his office. Scruffy Artist has a history of random emails from Old Prick and Gay Boss needed consented access to all of them. The three of us sat together while Gay Boss explained the whole legal problem. We then went through our emails gathering as much evidence as possible against the alleged "technical difficulty".
Unfortunately I have no emails at all during the specified period. I've spent ages speaking to the software company going through codes and passwords so that they can retrieve my deleted mail and export it back to my inbox. No such luck yet...
The whole matter of Old Prick being "invited to leave" was supposed to stay confidential between Old Prick, Gay Boss and CEO. Now that Scruffy Artist and I know all the gritty details we both have to keep our mouths shut about the situation so we don't cause a real legal battle. I am absolutely dying to tell Stoner the situation, I know he can be discrete. But I have to hold myself back...
Monday, 8 October 2007
Bimbo from Admin called a while ago to let me know that Gay Boss has a terrible cold and won't be coming in today. Of course I quickly jumped to the conclusion that 4eyes must also have a bad cold so I took a little walk to Accounts.
For some odd reason Accounts was buzzing with excitement. I couldn't see 4eyes anywhere so I asked Piggy if she knew where I could find him. Piggy is probably the most unfriendly person in the world. She has a permanent frown pasted on her sweating pink face and she had an uncanny knack for answering every question with a snort or a grunt. Today was no different. She sized me up with her small beady eyes and grunted. She pointed me in the direction of the toilets before stomping off.
I waited. And waited.... Paced the corridor. And waited some more.
4eyes finally emerged looking worse than ever. His eyes were swollen and his nose was red. I knew it! They're both ill from they're encounter on Friday... Oh my god! Maybe they spent the weekend together too!
Actually.... 4eyes looked like he'd been... crying?!
I didn't know what to do so I did something that I don't normally do... I hugged him. I held him while he dissolved into sobs. Piggy walked passed and gave us a strange look. Shit I hope she didn't think there was something going on! I mean 4eyes is married and possibly gay. And he's definately not my type! Scared that we'd be spotted again I walked him into the disabled toilets. I locked the door while he sat on the toilet seat ripping tissue from the roll.
"My brother's gay!" he sobbed. His brother?! What the fuck!
An hour later it all made sense. And 4eyes had definitely had a mad week!
He caught his teenage brother going into a Gay Bar last Tuesday. He was driving past the bar on his way to Lamaze class with his wife when he spotted him in the queue with another guy.
On Wednesday he couldn't concentrate at work and he messed up a few of the invoices. He'd spent all day thinking about what he was going to do.
Gay Boss pulled him up regarding the invoices on Thursday morning. 4eyes couldn't hold it in so he told Gay Boss everything in confidence. Gay Boss convinced him it might be nothing, but if he wanted to, he would go to the bar with him to see if his brother was there. (I guess he took him up on the offer because Stoner saw them both that night). He wasn't there but there was a guy there called Timmy who knew 4eyes' brother and he told them that they were all going to a Rainbow Bar in Vauxhall on Friday. (The other conversation that Stoner picked up on).
On Friday 4eyes went to Vauxhall alone. Gay Boss couldn't make it because he was feeling ill. 4eyes saw his brother kissing a bloke under the bridge outside a pub and he went mental. He starting hitting him etc
They had a family dinner on Saturday and being a right idiot 4eyes told them all at the dinner table. His mother cried and his father went mad at his brother.
On Sunday his father kicked his brother out of the house. Now 4eyes feels really guilty.
And I feel really stupid. I thought he was cheating on his wife! Damn it Elise! Stop getting carried away with gossip...
I offered 4eyes words of comfort and a few more hugs. After promising not to tell anyone I left him in the toilets and made my way back to the office. Of course I had to call Stoner and let him know everything. And write it all down...
Friday, 5 October 2007
- Wife/husbands name
- Pet name
- Mothers name
- Name of street
Gay Boss definitely loves his mum!
Stoner basically read a few emails from 4eyes... They had planned to meet last night! Shit it looks like Stoner was right. He did see them together. There was a part of me that thought that the effect of the E may have warped his mind and he imagined it, but here it is. Evidence.
Okay I know this was really mean but I just needed to check something. I asked Bimbo in Admin for a small favour. I asked her to call Accounts and ask 4eyes to come and check out the invoice mailings. She's not the brightest person in the world so its easy to make out there's been a bit of a mix up.
I then went back to my office and told Old prick that Gay Boss is planning on going over the Client files. Predictable Old Prick got up saying that he should really be there so they can both go through them. I then called Gay Boss to tell him Old Prick was coming to see him. Gay Boss hates being bothered Friday afternoon so he decided to take a walk to avoid him.
Whew! Manipulating the situation is so hard!
The only place anyone goes to avoid Old Prick is Admin. Old Prick strongly believes Admin is like an old "typing pool" full of secretaries. Its beneath him to even enter the offices.
So 4eyes and Gay Boss have to bump into each other... The perfect coincidence!
I called Stoner to get him to sneak over and the low down.
Ten minutes later he called and said they're going out tonight. Its a bar in Vauxhall.
Oh my god! its worse than I thought! For those of you that don't know about London Vauxhall is home to a grotty pub called The Vauxhall Tavern. The windows are always blacked-out and the queue is predominantly full of butch, bald biker-type gay men. There's no way Stoner would ever go there even if he was high on E. Its not a place for happy-go-lucky people. Gay rapes are common around there...
Fuck! I've done no work today. I can't concentrate. Shit this is bad! What should I do? How the hell am I supposed to work when I know the sick, twisted secrets around here? Then again how do people work without dramas.
Better copy power point docs onto memory stick. Will sort out work Sunday night. Need to think of a plan...
Thinking about it now I'm not sure how to feel. If Stoner's right and Gay Boss was with 4eyes last night then there are so many issues that have suddenly emerged:
- 4eyes is cheating on his wife
- he has a three year old daughter to think about
- he's either Gay or Bisexual
- an office affair is hardly appropriate
- being involved with your boss can be seen as manipulation
4eyes cheating on his wife:
Okay I strongly believe that cheating on your partner is wrong. It is so hurtful in so many ways. It shows a complete lack of respect.
Three year old daughter:
I know times are different now but when I was three years old family security was probably the most important thing in my life. Parents divorcing or separating can be so difficult for a child of that age, and I do believe it can contributes to many issues later on in life.
And i know that we live in a liberal society, but finding out your father is gay can be extremely shocking and I think can also contribute to problems later in life. Especially if you are too young to fully understand it.
Gay or Bisexual:
This is madness. There are so many stories of straight people suddenly deciding that they are gay or bisexual. Many gay people believe that homosexuality is innate. If that's true then why do straight people turn gay? There are stories of over 30 years of marriage going down the pan because someone has suddenly decided that they are gay and they want to be true to themselves. Is it innate or society?
An Office Affair:
Can you combine work and personal life? I don't think its appropriate... If something goes wrong in the relationship how can work life not suffer as a result?
Involved with Boss:
I don't think its right. The Boss will always give you special treatment if your intimately involved. It unfair on the rest of the employees. And what if you break up? Being sacked for personal reasons is wrong. Leaving because its awkward... well what are you going to tell your next employee "Reason for leaving? Um I slept with my Boss and now its awkward being there"
I can't stop thinking about how bad this would be if its true.... I mean its fun to gossip but I think people will get hurt...
Shit! what a stupid time for me to develop a conscience! Fuck it, I need to find out the truth. And after that I'll weigh out my options: to spread gossip or not to spread gossip? that is the question!
Thursday, 4 October 2007
Old Prick came in to work as usual, and acted like nothing happened. After an hour of "normality" I couldn't take the suspense. I took a walk to Gay Boss's office and casually dropped in to say hi.
"I can't tell you what happened so don't ask" he said before I even had a chance to comment on the weather. He's dying to say something I can tell. I hung around for a bit hoping he would crack. Gave up after half an hour.
Old Prick keeps leaving the room for mysterious conversations on his mobile phone. Recruitment probably. I wonder how long it will take him physically leave. Unless of course he's just been given a warning and he's staying on.... I hate being in the dark! Gonna have lunch with Scruffy Artist, he might know something.
Scruffy Artist and I spent lunch sharing information. So far:
- We know that Gay Boss wanted to sack him
- I told CEO that Old Prick is the worst person to work with
- Scruffy Artist told CEO that he thinks Old Prick is not a great team player
- Gay Boss is dying to say something but can't
- Scruffy Artist said that Gay Boss said he'd tell us in a few weeks
- Old Prick is taking secret phone calls
Conclusion: We both think Old Prick has been given a month to leave. Not an earth shattering conclusion... I was hoping for a dramatic exit yesterday. That he'd storm in, clear out his desk and piss off.
Oh well... I wonder how I'm going to rearrange the office when he goes...
Doubt anything else will happen today.
CEO and Gay Boss disappeared to the board room for two hours to discuss the current situation. Old Prick got on with work thinking that the meeting was just an over view of the past three months. For some strange reason I started to feel some sympathy towards him. Over the first hour the sympathy slowly turned to guilt. I couldn't help thinking about the amount of times I had complained and gossiped about him. I needed to leave the office. I spent the next hour with Bimbo from admin "going over the schedule".
Bimbo is desperately into her looks. She spends the better part of the day reapplying make-up and flicking through fashion magazines. There's something so calming about talking to someone with the attention span of a puppy. When I found her she was flicking through Heat Magazine reading slimming tips. She began updating me on Britney Spears' custody drama but it wasn't long before she noticed that my eyebrows needed plucking. She gave me a quick makeover while she chatted about her boyfriend's new sofa. I left admin freshly groomed and feeling much better.
I bumped into Gay Boss on my way back to my office. He looked pissed off. "Where the fuck have you been?" he whispered. He grabbed my arm and quickly walked me to the board room. "CEO wants to see you." Me?! Shit...!
I walked into the huge room alone. CEO was sitting at the head of the long table. He gestured to the chair at the other end. Talk about old fashioned. It would make more sense if I sat in the chair next to him. At least we wouldn't have to strain our voices to communicate! CEO's a nice guy. He never lets anybody leave his company without speaking to them. He told me he wanted to get an over view of the situation. Everything I said to him would be completely confidential.
Okay I got a bit carried away. I started off with general vague issues i.e. lack of team collaboration etc but then something switched inside me and I couldn't stop. I told CEO that Old Prick was not a team player. His sheer arrogance is frustrating. He makes rash decisions without informing anyone. I just went on and on. When I was finished CEO just nodded. He smiled and walked me to the door. Old Prick was waiting outside the board room to see CEO. I felt a horrible pang of guilt when I walked past.
After hours of pacing the corridors, rearranging my desk draws, drinking endless cups of tea Old Prick finally came back to the office. He didn't say anything. We sat in complete silence for the rest of the day.....
Tuesday, 2 October 2007
My boss is a cynical still-in-the-closet gay guy. We're both bitchy gossips, which is great eighty percent of the time. The other twenty percent is spent spitting nasty remarks at each other... So, earlier today we were having a little chit-chat about how useless the Old Prick is when Gay Boss says "look this is just between me and you right," (yeah - me, you and now everyone reading this blog!) "the CEO's flying over tomorrow and Old Prick's going to be "invited to leave" in a few weeks" Gay Boss was looking for a reaction from me, I could tell, so I put on a shocked-sort-of-upset expression.
I found Scruffy Artist guy on my way back to my office. He's a sweet guy, gets along with everyone in the company. A kind of agony aunt in a way; (I cried once after a major argument with Old Prick when I first started and spilled my guts to Scruffy Artist. I don't normally cry, I think I was on my period or something. I don't think he's ever told anyone at work). He's not usually one to spread gossip but I thought I'd test the water and see if he had any knowledge on Old Prick leaving. We chatted about nothing for a bit and then I told him that Old Prick nearly made me cry again ( a complete lie). Scruffy Artist hugged me and said that things are defiantly going to work out... Damn he knew before me!
Old Prick is leaning back in his chair chatting to a client. His stupid fake laugh is pissing me off. Its hard to hold back from saying "you know something? your getting sacked tomorrow!"