Friday, 30 April 2010

Relax, Rant and Relax

I have a day off!

I mean a real day off. I'm not working, I'm not organising meetings, or weddings, or going through finances. I feel like a diva!

It's such a beautiful day outside, but I have no plan to leave this house. I'm sipping pimms and lemonade (yes I know its before 12, but so what?), wearing my short-shorts and a tacky top with what are you staring at written in tiny tiny letters across my chest, and watching Smallville reruns.

I actually have time to blog, and catch up on some reading. I have seriously missed reading about everyone's lives. I'm such a nosy bitch!

Now I know on a lazy day like this I shouldn't talk politics but; Did you see the debate last night??

Oh. My. God.

Answer the question David. Answer the question. You can't can you?

No, David Cameron never answers the question. He blurts out a pre-meditated "Labour have ruined you. We can help you"


Help us?

How, David? How? When you're about to destroy the construction industry. Don't deny it David, we heard you!

I'm still on the fence. Labour have served us well. True, Gordon's the worst front man ever, but the party still serves us well. We needed the New Labour reign. I think people are seriously forgetting how it was when the Tory's were in power.

But then there's Clegg.... sigh!

The Liberal Democrats are brilliant in theory. Their policies are the best so far. They've covered every aspect of politics with a reasonable plan in hand.

I love what they say about immigration. They are the only party to actually have a solid plan. Funny how immigration is a Tory Campaign Idea isn't it? Too bad they haven't given the public any insight into how they'll realistically tackle it the way Lib Dems did.

And Nick seems genuine.

I've decided to wear both red and yellow on the day of election.

I'll go with my instincts on the day.

My instincts so far are; The Conservative Party are scum. Not as scummy as BNP or Ukip. But they're definitely comparable to germs of a public toilet.



That's my rant for the day.

I'm going to pour myself another pimms and relax.

Monday, 1 March 2010


I've been buried for a while.

So I suppose it's time to wake up!

Brother In Law (Solicitor's brother) and I have finally started things up. I have to admit (very grudgingly) that he was right; having a male business partner does help. We have two clients! Okay, I know that doesn't sound that impressive, but honestly I am over the moon.

Solicitor and I have set a date. I have six months to sort out everything. Luckily, I have already sorted out and filed away four large Liberace folders full of possibilities.

This is where Bimbo came in handy.

Bimbo is the most organised person when it comes to certain things. For example, Bimbo is the only person I know that has eight make up bags.


They're actually first aid bags, the type that unzip and fold out with separated plastic compartments for bandages etc. Bimbo has a different bag for different make-up items. A whole bag dedicated to lips; the gloss separated from the lipstick and organised into colour. A whole bag for mascara; separated by volume, length, colour.

So about two months ago, Bimbo and I were lying down on my living room floor with thousands of clippings of wedding magazines sprawled all over the floor.

Actually I was the only one lying down. Bimbo was sort of sitting up on the sofa. As much as her huge belly allowed her to do. And I mean huge! She had three cushions shoved behind her lower back and she sighed loudly every time she lifted her bottle of water to her mouth.

Despite her vulnerable position, Bimbo turned into Hilter!

"For God's sake Elise, the orchids go under 'table arrangement' not 'flower arrangement'. Not there! In THE OTHER FOLDER!"

"Jesus Christ! How the hell are you going to find the dress that you want unless you put them in order of style. No. No Elise. No. Not order of I-Like-This-One. Order of STYLE! Separate them by STYLE not Long and Ones-With-Train."

I hate to admit this, but I nearly cried. I started organising the wedding months before that, but apparently I had "done it all wrong".

Bimbo knew what she was talking about, though. After a few days we had separated everything (my one pathetic folder of my dream wedding) into four folders. It looks amazing! Each section is divided into sub-sections, with cross referenced footnotes. So for example if I flick to "1940s Dress" I have page references to "1940s Style Flower arrangements" and "1940s Hair".

When we were finally done we excitedly flicked through the folders like normal women and talked about the perfect wedding. It was during this happy occasion that something extraordinary happened.

Bimbo shut her eyes and groaned.

The baby was coming!

I dropped my folder and stared at her. She huffed and puffed in pain for about thirty seconds and then she carried on like normal.

"I love the 40s thing. We can do your hair like Veronica Lake"

"Bimbo, what the hell is wrong with you? That was a contraction!"

She nodded calmly.

"Yes I know. I've been having them for about an hour."

An hour?!

Okay, I must be the most unobservant person in the whole world. I didn't even notice!

I panicked and began hauling her up.

"We have to get you to the hospital. I need to call Pierce. Oh my God. I need to call an ambulance. No. I'll take you. We can't wait for an ambulance. Breath Bimbo, breath. Has your water broken?"

Oh my God, the sofa!

I didn't mean to think about the last thing, but for some reason it popped into my head.

Bimbo protested hard as a yanked open the front door.

"Wait. It'll be hours yet."

She was the one that dragged me back to the living room.

"Breath Elise."

I did. I breathed and then I cried.

Bimbo was having a baby. I was over joyed for her. Over joyed for her and selfishly crying for myself.

I didn't say anything but Bimbo is my best friend. She knew. She gripped my hand when I should have been holding hers and said "I'm here."

Two minutes later we were laughing and hugging. I called Pierce, who panicked way more than I did!

Bimbo has another Baby Girl. Big Baby Girl is a big sister! How adorable is that?