Thursday, 14 August 2008


I suppose I should go back and explain.

It all started with the 'disciplinary action' that New Guy took against me. I had a cold and I took a sick day. Apparently I didn't have a good enough reason for absence. After our official meeting, he issued me with an official warning. Solicitor went mad.

Fortunately for me New Guy had no idea that Solicitor is not only a lawyer, but that he also used to do business with the company. Solicitor urged me to write a letter appealing the outcome of the meeting to CEO.

Now here's where it got interesting. I should open up my own private spy company.

I hacked into New Guys emails. His password was pretty easy to figure out. He's a huge football fan. I typed in 'arsenal' and it worked! Scrolling through them I found quite a few from CEO. The one that stood out for me was their master plan.

RE: Project

(New Guy)

How did she take the written warning? We definitely followed the correct procedure issuing it. She just needs to slip two more times before we can proceed.

Any thoughts about (Wanker's) proposal?


My heart stopped when I read that. I pressed the print button and looked through the sent messages.

RE: Project


You're right. We have followed procedure. it may be a little tough short term but with the current economic climate as it is we could really do with the extra £38k to increase profits.

I have thought about (Wanker's) proposal. I think it's a little premature at the moment, however I will give it some thought.

As far as I can see the company needs a complete make-over. I will talk through different strategies with my team before presenting them to yourself.


(New Guy)


I read through both emails. Surly they couldn't be talking about what I thought they were talking about? They want to get rid of me to increase profits? What proposal?

The more I thought about it the angrier I became. Later that night I showed Solicitor the emails. He read through them and re-read my written warning. The written warning had been drafted by a lawyer. It followed a generic layout and included certain phrases.

Their "project", whatever it may be, had been carefully planned out.

CEO terminated the companies services with Solicitors law firm. There's no way that Solicitor would ever agree to be involved with constructively dismissing a member of staff, especially if it were me.

New Guy definitely was not who he said he was. He clearly had a relationship with both CEO and Wanker before he joined the company. The only question was, what?

CEO received my appeal through the post the following day. He immediately sent an email to New Guy.

RE: Project

(New Guy)

I received a letter of appeal from Elise. However, I can't say this surprises me. Her boyfriend is in law. I expect she'll be receiving legal advice through that route.

Hopefully our ends are tied tight enough.

It's best if you continue to share and office with her until this matter is taken care of.


RE: Project


I can't help feeling that this has become a personal issue. In business it is wise to keep things as simple as possible.

Please keep me informed of all information. Small details, such as her boyfriend, make things more complicated than they need to be.

(New Guy)

Print. Print. Print.

Over the next few days I began collecting and slotting together pieces of the jigsaw puzzle. I desperately wanted to share with Stoner but this time I had to do it alone. I couldn't chance anything. I picked up the phone several time to call Gay Boss. I had to hang up before I could get through.

Solicitor gave me an address a week later. I dropped in during a lunch break. A petite middle-aged blond woman with a kind face held out her hand as I walked in.

"Elise, I'm Melinda. (Solicitor) told me the situation. Take a seat."

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

No, I haven't been hit by a bus. I'm back

No, I haven't been hit by a bus. I'm back.

The last couple of months have been... well 'a living hell' might be the best way to explain it.

About a month ago my sister and brother-in-law took a romantic weekend away to Barcelona. Nephew stayed with me and Solicitor. I love having Nephew around. He's so sweet and he always manages to say the funniest things without meaning to.

On the Saturday afternoon Solicitor went out to the pub with a few of his friends. Nephew and I amused ourselves with poster paint and coloured card. I'm not really the creative type but I was having a whale of a time with the crafts session. Nephew showed me how to finger-paint the image of a house onto blue card. We ended up finger-painting each others faces.

After we cleaned up Nephew settled down with Toy Story 2 while I busied myself in the kitchen. I opened a packet of chicken dippers and poured some onto a baking tray. I looked on the back of the packet for an oven temperature. Normally the packet would convert the temperature for you, but all I found was Pre-heat oven Gas Mark 6.

Now I know that its not really a big deal, but for some reason I started to stress out. I suddenly got quite angry and I called the telephone number at the bottom of the packet. All I got was an automated service line. I slammed the phone down in frustration. The stupid bloody packet didn't have a temperature on it. I felt completely helpless.

"Aunt Elise?"

Nephew gazed at me from the doorway. His big brown eyes full of concern. I tried to smile at him, to reassure him that I was fine.

"It's okay Baby"

"Then why are you crying?"

Yep. I had started crying. In fact, I had started crying and I had stopped breathing. My chest began to tighten up. I felt a wave of sudden dizziness. I started to panic. If I didn't start breathing soon I may collapse and die here on the kitchen floor. Nephew wouldn't get his chicken dippers!

Nephew's face began to morph in front on me. He was so frightened. I hated that I scared him. I tried so hard to smile and tell him that everything was okay. But at the time I honestly believed that I was going to die. The walls began closing in. my chest got tighter and tighter. I sank to the floor.

I don't remember exactly what happened, but I soon found myself in the car with Solicitor. He had wound the windows down. The cool air filled my lungs. I could breath! I still couldn't speak, but at least I could breath!

I sat tearfully in A&E for a good few hours. Nephew had fallen asleep. His head resting on Solicitor's lap. What was wrong with me? I'd ruined Nephew's weekend. Solicitor looked angry. He stared at the floor deep in thought.

"I'm sorry."

He sucked in his breath.

"Don't apologise. Just sort it out. Call Melinda on Monday."

I nodded.

"And you're not going to Manchester. You'll have to reschedule"


Solicitor's low voice of authority cut off my protest.

"Elise, don't make me say it twice."