Wednesday, 24 October 2007

Office Gossip

I spent yet another day away from my office. Gay Boss and Old Prick had another confidential meeting regarding Old Prick's invitation to leave. God knows what more they have to discuss. This is dragging on far too long, my ideas for reorganising and decorating the office have been put on hold.

I spent the morning in Admin with Bimbo "going over the schedule". As usual Bimbo had the latest issue of Vogue spread out on her desk along with her industrial sized make-up bag. Today she decided to try out the dark smokey look on me; modeled on five spreads by an insanely thin model with dark skin and unnaturally blue eyes. There's something very therapeutic about make-overs. I'm not sure whether its the feeling of soft brush strokes massaging the face or the anticipation of what you're going to look like in the end. Maybe its the combination, coupled with Bimbo's mindless chatter. I allowed myself to relax and enjoy the pampering for a full two hours.

I left Admin around 11:30am looking beautiful. I convinced Bimbo to remove the smokey look and redo my face to suit "the office look". She reluctantly agreed even though it looked "really, really nice!". She definitely should have been a professional make-up artist.

I decided to toddle off to Accounts to waste time and to see if anything new had happened. Accounts is usually the most boring department in the company, most people take life way too seriously. Whenever I walk towards their offices a little voice inside my head tells me to walk professionally.

There are a few simple techniques to walking professionally:

1) Stand up straight and rigid, shoulders back, chin up.

2) Always walk with a purpose and with the heel-toe rhythm (heel-toe-hell-toe...)

3) When passing other colleagues make eye contact and give a swift nod

4) Arms by your sides and absolutely no fidgeting

When I arrived I was greeted by Piggy with a loud snort. Piggy definitely has the worst attitude in the world. As usual there was a tight frown on her sweaty pink face and her beady eyes scornfully sized me up. "He's not here" she stated. Who? What the hell is she on about? "and if I were you I'd be ashamed. Trying to mess about with a married man." Piggy stomped passed me, her limp pony-tail swinging viciously from side-to-side.

I stood still. Extremely confused and angry that Piggy could ever accuse me of anything like it. Preppy, who had over heard Piggy's outrageous comment smiled kindly and offered me a cup of tea. I don't think I've ever properly spoken to Preppy before, other than the swift nod I hardly see her. She seems nice enough.

Over a nice cup of tea Preppy explained Piggy's accusation. A couple of weeks ago Piggy saw me and 4eyes slip into the disabled toilets together and lock the door. She jumped to the conclusion that there was something going on. (For the real story behind that read blog: Monday Morning Clarity...) Preppy also told me that Piggy has a major crush on 4eyes. Wow, Accounts isn't so boring after all!

Preppy is quite good to talk to. The two of us seem to have similar personalities. She doesn't like Piggy almost as much as I hate Old Prick.

We're having lunch tomorrow. I think a bit of mischief is on the menu.....


Cindy Breninger said...

I was recently let go from my job, but I love how you have "names" for everyone; we used to do that too! hehe Hopefully I will be working soon and back to giving nicknames!

minxxx said...

love the pics on your page! yeah i have 3 others and i think itl look better a bit smaller and closer together aswell

Keriam said...

Wow it sounds like your office is moving from one drama into another.

I live in the heart of the USA.

Anonymous said...

Too damn funny.
Sounds like your workplace could be a gripping sitcom/drama.
I remain dangling on the cliffhanger of what the mischief might be. Do follow up on the developments, won't you?
thank you for commenting to my blog.
I would be happy to exchange links if you are up for it!
much respect~d