Monday, 18 February 2008

Replaced with a DVD!


CEO wants to replace me with a DVD!

Gay Boss came up to my office early this morning with a few printed emails from CEO.

Email 1:

This situation breaks my heart.

What happened??/??///??????

This is what he sent when he heard about my meeting with Sanyo. "Breaks my heart"? What the hell is he talking about? It was one mistake. It's not as if I make a habit of screwing up!

Email 2:

I have personally realised a more effective way of presenting to prospective clients. We currently have a fantastic creative department that is not being used to its full advantage. Bellow you will find a schedule for the creation of an audio/ visual presentation on DVD!

He planned out the footage! Every cross fade, every shot, every cut. He wants an audio commentary from an "authoritative male voice" to run over the edit.

This way every presentation will be picture perfect. Anyone can present at any time. It’s just a case of pressing the right button!

I lost it. I actually lost it. I walked around in a rage. Effing and blinding. "Anyone can present". I've done a bloody good job for the last few years! I made one stupid mistake and he wants to replace me with a fucking DVD.

How unprofessional! Imagine walking into a room of directors and flicking on a DVD. Standing back and filling nails while they look at a screen for half an hour. Flicking the screen off and handing them a contract.

"That's it folks. Wanna sign up with us?"

CEO has gone mad!

That’s not the worst of the email. After I ranted for a while I read the rest.

I regret letting a perfectly good employee go. I feel there is a definite difference in the qualities of a male figure in this line of work.

He's talking about Old Prick. Old Prick got sacked because he wasn't performing well. He screwed up countless deals. How can CEO compare my skills with that of an idiot?! What a sexist tosser!

Gay Boss laughed at the email. He said that he had to reply to it but he's completely stuck on what to say.

Here are a few ideas that I came up with:

1) Elise does a bloody good job. She made one mistake!

2) Old Prick was a shit employee. His skills are nowhere near the minimum required.

3) A DVD is completely unprofessional.

4) The creative team are not filmmakers.

5) To hire a camera man and an actor to do a voice over is not free.

6) It will take a minimum of 16 weeks to complete.

7) By the time the footage is complete it will be Out Of Date.

8) CEO, you are a complete asshole. You need to step back into the real world. It's a wonder how you made this company a success. If you started out in today's world you'd be sitting on the side of a street collecting change to feed your fucking crack habit!


I think that’s enough information to aid Gay Boss with his response...

32 comments:

The Divine Miss M said...

A DVD? That is the best idea I've heard ever. Can you imagine how impersonal that would be? Pitches are won by good personal skills and the ability to make a shit idea sound absolutely amazing.

Don't worry Elise, a passing idea never comes into play ;)

taxitalk said...

chill, you know you have skill, fu#k the ceo, I read his blog it sucked

Trée said...

I've never understood how someone can rise to the level of CEO with shiott for brains. The DVD idea just plain sucks. I won't bore you with the bazillion reasons why. Wow.

Peter Mc said...

Have you ever seen Trading Places with Eddie Murphy? (when he was funny obviously!!), CEO Reminds me of Randolf and Mortimer, the two old codgers who make the bet - with a bit of David Brent thrown in for good measure!! He's the sort of person you'd laugh about! So long as he wasn't you're own boss! I know it's very wrong but old fashioned sexest men like him crack me up! I laugh cos it's so wrong, not cos I agree! Can't help it!!!

Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, that is a idiotic move, but hey, that's a CEO for you.

B.E. Earl said...

There are many things in life that can be replaced by a good DVD. A good employee is not one of them.

Gay Boss has your back.

Casdok said...

I can only echo everyone else.
What a worry for you, but i hope this idea goes no futher.

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

That is completely ridiculous! A DVD presentation is equivalent to a commercial. I yawn at the idea. Rarely anyone pays attention to commercials anymore as it is. How can anyone be excited about DVD presentations?
I'm glad Gay Boss is on your side on this.

Michelle Hix said...

So GB is obviously going to tell him he's out of his mind right? Or is GB worried about his job too?

By the way Elise..."garage"...not "garbage"...ha ha. You made me laugh this morning on your comment.

Poetikat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Poetikat said...

Made an error. Oops!
As usual, Elise, I thank you for very kind comments on my posts and you're most welcome for the Blogger's Choice nod.
I would suggest a new job for you (you're better than that! Does CEO know about the stress you were under?) and then we'll have a whole bunch of new people to get to know. Wouldn't that be fun? You can still visit with Bimbo and Stoner and Gay Boss.
Kat

hayley-emsley said...

OMG how much in the dark ages is CEO! He doesn't have a clue how to run things, i know that if i went to a presentation i would be put off by a DVD. Firstly i would have the urge to laugh at the DVD and how outdated and corny it is, secondly i would have the urge to talk all the way through and wish that it would end already!

I hope Gay Boss tells him where to go!

Kitty said...

Sounds like CEO spat his dummy ... does he have a good secretary who could maybe pick it up and put it back in his pram for him?

Sexist git too.

x

Cocaine Princess said...

I hate when certain things are replaced by technology. There are things that are just better when they're done by humans. CEO is an idiot!

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

sweets said...

good grief!

KaB said...

Oh bugger...I've never heard anything so pathetic!

Trust a guy to come up with bollocks like that!

Hope it all works out for the best sweet cheeks! Sjoe, you really need yourself a break!

Bridget said...

Awww huney! A DVD can never replace you! CEO is a moronic idiot who latches on to every new-fangled idea in the hopes of remaining in the "cutting edge" I'm surprised he keeps the company afloat!

Gay Boss will get you through this.

MidniteGem said...

Having recently done a course on presentations I've realised that it is all about the person and what words you use, what attitude you convey. All the multimedia options can do is enchance what the person has to say one on one to the clients.

You'll be fine - he'll realise his mistake the first moment he actually tries to implement a presentation with such a production process (which i know all about doign pitch work all the time)

Christopher Gehler said...

Ah someone else with a not so good weeks start. I feel for you Elise (if you care to know why check my blog) try not to let it get to you though.

I've got the feeling you and Gay Boss have a good loyalty together, so I think he'll be able to weave "Shut up CEO, you're a f*cking moron, go play with yourself, I'll handle this." Into something professional and get CEO to see the error of his ways.

Slyde said...

thinking a pre-pressed dvd can replace a live "dog and pony show" is pretty stupid and short-sighted, in my opinion...

Lopz said...

Elise, I've just come back from a 3week holiday and have skim read your last few weeks worth of posts. I just wanted to say I'm sorry you've had such a rough time lately, and I'm crossing fingers that the rest of 2008 goes better for you. Hang in there honey. xxx

roentarre said...

My God. Really a big drama that you had gone through.

astrogalaxy said...

Don't worry, an DVD simply just ain't worth any to be your competitor! Stupid CEO!

lotus07 said...

Welcome to the brave new world. Profits drive everything in the modern compressed information age. It is a bad idea, since marketing and sales is traditionally a flesh-pressing environment, but then again, bosses are always known for their intellect and insight.

Remember that there isn't always negatives. Getting fired from a job just opens up other doors that eventually lead to better things. Sometimes getting fired and change are a good thing.

Linda and her Surroundings said...

DVD - Oh, I see, like self paced learning. How impersonal. You need human contact to get clients. DVD will come across as a cheap thing.

So, one mistake and this? I bet this has been on the cards for a while. CEO is just using your mistake as the reason to move you on. Budget cuts are on hand.

Glugster said...

I don't think you have to worry about it. Nothing will probably come of it. He's just just making noice to seem important and to give the impression that he is involved in the business.

Then again, maby he's just an idiot.

Grilled Pizza said...

Where are you??
GP x

Grilled Pizza said...

Consider yourself Tagged!

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

CEo is a certified idiot. You my dear, are brilliant. I hope you enjoy your weekend.

Adam said...

Hey Elise,
I am finally back from my vacation, and now trying to catch up with every one!
How can a DVD replace you? That doesn't even rank as an idea in my book, more like a mental fart!

Pixie said...

Elise tell them to swivel !! Why would you want to work for arseholes like that - come on pet you are better than that. Chin up and go buy a frock x

Juliana RW said...

Hi Elise, I drop today. You don't have new post since 18 Feb. I think you are busy :D