Wednesday, 13 February 2008

Glitter Glue and Research

Yesterday afternoon Gay Boss brought a box of arts and craft materials to my office.

We're currently working on an new potential client and I needed to research the product range. This basically means that I spent the afternoon making smiley-faced, lopsided people out of playdo, I decorated my appointment diary with pink heart stamps and glitter glue and I attempted to create a beautiful picture of a boat out of cut out felt pieces.

A couple of hours into the "research" I had a fantastic idea. I'd make Solicitor a Valentine's card from scratch! Homemade cards are so personal. I could make a cool contemporary, unique card. He'd love it.

I began humming to myself while I lined up the tools. I suddenly felt like one of those cool artists. The ones that always make personal cards for relatives. Maybe I could get into the card making business on the side. People would love them. I'd be promoted on Richard & Judy. Celebrities would have specially made cards made and would pay me thousands of pounds for the service.

Scissors - check
Black Card - check
Red Felt - check
Pink Glitter glue - check.

An hour later and I was frustrated and hot.

The black card was folded at a slight angle. I tried to straighten it out but there's a huge nasty crease running alongside the edge of the card. The red felt hearts were cut out unsymetrically with jagged edges. There was more pink glitter glue in my hair then there was on the card.

I don't understand why anyone would give a child such complicated craft materials. I felt heartbroken when I stepped back to admire my hard work. It looked awful. I can't give Solicitor this! He'd think I'm some kind of a retard.

I threw away the card and attempted a different approach.

Scissors - check
Pink Card - check
Red Card - check
Black Felt-tip Pen - check

I decided to fold the pink card in half and cut out a heart with the red card.

So far so good.

I stuck the heart on the front and wrote Solicitor's name and my name in the centre. I ran out of room. The letters at the end of my name were tiny.

I threw the card away.

I've decided to buy a card. It shows that I'm not cheap. Solicitor will definitely apprecite a proffessionally created card more than a homemade one.

I think I'm done with the research. I know the product range well. I'd never personally buy any of it though. Why would anyone?

I'm taking it easy today. I'll toddle off to Admin around 3. Bimbo's decided to try out her new make up stills on me. She wants to impress Pierce with a new look. Until then I'll just sit around, eat some smarties, drink some tea...


Chickie said...

I'm with you - nothing wrong with a store bought card that someone got paid to create!

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

I think it would be funny to tell Solicitor your attempt to make him a card :) At least you tried! :)

Peter Mc said...

I would be made up with a home made card!! The tackier and crapper the better! It shows that despite not having the skills to do it, you were being thoughtful enough to try!! If it's something you're good at then it's no effort for someone you're meant to love!! The home made one is far more romantic!!!
I want smarties so bad right now!!!

hayley-emsley said...

Hmmm Smarties!!! I miss sweets, Peter used to bring me and Gem some all the time!

You should have still made it and if he pulled a face or obviously didn't like it, you could have pulled out the "shop bought" one and said "only messing!, here's your card" haha. See the way i think of everything, i am such a typical Virgo!

H x

The Divine Miss M said...

And you complain about me not working? Sister you've got it down I tell you :)

Globus said...

"An hour later and I was frustrated and hot." yes, that sounds like valentine's syndrome, although the fact it's the diy crafting to blame is somewhat troubling...

globus bought cards, far easier than all that faff! but less romantic, ah well. no man is perfect eh?!

angel said...

heh! howdy- my first visit and i thoroughly enjoyed myself!
i'll be back... (spoken in a completely non-arnold voice)

B.E. Earl said...

Hand-made cards are for grade school kids. And we can forgive the off-center folding, bad hearts and such because they are grade school kids. ;)

Slyde said...

God, how i could go for some smarties right about now....

Kitty said...

Erm .... *blush* ... I am one of those weird crafty types who love nothing more than finding a box full of card, glue, pens and felt. And my daughter has inherited the same gene.

I'm sure Solicitor would have loved your card - because you made it for him.

Have a wonderful Valentines Day. x

lotus07 said...

I would have opted for the home made card. The flaws in it, reflect the flaws in any relationship, and his acceptance of them. You wimped out.

Angela said...

Thanks for the hilarious post! I'm a cardmaker in Australia and I loved reading about your research.

If you want to see some of my handmade cards then you can see them here: - you'll need to scroll down the first few blog entries. No, this isn't spam, just showing you some other cards that can be made with/without glitter.

And yes, sometimes I get more glitter in my hair than on the card. In fact I'm sure that when I take the kids to school in the morning that there are mothers there wondering why a 40 year old woman has glitter on her face at 9 o'clock in the morning!

Sydney, Australia

Malach the Merciless said...

See, there are advantages to having a Master's Degree in Art like Malach the Merciless.

bRaT said...

You know you're kidding about the store bought cards bit... nothing says it like a handmade card... how many handmade cards in your shoebox versus store bought cards? :)

Michelle Hix said...

That's where the the saying "it's the thought that counts" came from. Now when it comes to jewelry...its not the thought...its the size and the quality so all of you guys out there keep that in mind!

Trée said...

frustrated and hot

Am I the only one that got turned on by that turn of phrase? :-D

Bridget said...

Teee heee hee heee! QUITTER!

That was funny.

If properly made, a home-made card could be more expensive so it's not being cheap.

Simply Curious said...

"I don't understand why anyone would give a child such complicated craft materials." Awww!

I know everyone always says how much more homemade things are appreciated, but I often wonder if they're telling the truth. Personally, I like having money spent on me on Valentine's Day, and I don't think it makes me shallow. Don't get me wrong, I like homemade things, too, but I say, give him homemade and crappy on the side. I'm as much of a perfectionist as you are.

sweets said...

less is more babe... especially when you do it yourself... :)

Clueless Cat said...

Aw, it's so sad you made two cards and just chucked them out! Lol poor thing. Oh well. I didn't even get Colin a card at all - kinda ran out of time, but i did send a letter off that he still hasn't gotten, hopefully he'll get it on his VDay (tmr)!

Tell us how your VDay goes :)

Happy valentine's day!

KaB said...

I think it's fun that you go to fiddle around though...didn't it take your mind off of all the horrible things that happened to you recently?!?

Plus you got to get down & funky with your 'creative' side which you now know is there but needs a little helping hand in the arts & crafts department!

I think it's interested to know how you're going to work on this client now that you realise how hard it is for kiddies to play with their sheeet?!?

Ruby said...

i love making home made cards...i think it's the artist in me that just jumps at the chance to prove itself or something:)

We'll give you kudos for trying to make one:)

Pixie said...

Smarties my sweet Elise will make you hyper - do they still do blue ones? - As for Valentines Day - oh well I have said all I have to say on the matter (I think)

Pixie x

The Destroyer of Worlds said...

Arts and crafts time... huh

Juliana RW said...

Hi Elise,

Happy Valentine's day to you and ur family. From me, Jason and my hubby :D