Yesterday afternoon Gay Boss brought a box of arts and craft materials to my office.
We're currently working on an new potential client and I needed to research the product range. This basically means that I spent the afternoon making smiley-faced, lopsided people out of playdo, I decorated my appointment diary with pink heart stamps and glitter glue and I attempted to create a beautiful picture of a boat out of cut out felt pieces.
A couple of hours into the "research" I had a fantastic idea. I'd make Solicitor a Valentine's card from scratch! Homemade cards are so personal. I could make a cool contemporary, unique card. He'd love it.
I began humming to myself while I lined up the tools. I suddenly felt like one of those cool artists. The ones that always make personal cards for relatives. Maybe I could get into the card making business on the side. People would love them. I'd be promoted on Richard & Judy. Celebrities would have specially made cards made and would pay me thousands of pounds for the service.
Scissors - check
Black Card - check
Red Felt - check
Pink Glitter glue - check.
An hour later and I was frustrated and hot.
The black card was folded at a slight angle. I tried to straighten it out but there's a huge nasty crease running alongside the edge of the card. The red felt hearts were cut out unsymetrically with jagged edges. There was more pink glitter glue in my hair then there was on the card.
I don't understand why anyone would give a child such complicated craft materials. I felt heartbroken when I stepped back to admire my hard work. It looked awful. I can't give Solicitor this! He'd think I'm some kind of a retard.
I threw away the card and attempted a different approach.
Scissors - check
Pink Card - check
Red Card - check
Black Felt-tip Pen - check
I decided to fold the pink card in half and cut out a heart with the red card.
So far so good.
I stuck the heart on the front and wrote Solicitor's name and my name in the centre. I ran out of room. The letters at the end of my name were tiny.
I threw the card away.
I've decided to buy a card. It shows that I'm not cheap. Solicitor will definitely apprecite a proffessionally created card more than a homemade one.
I think I'm done with the research. I know the product range well. I'd never personally buy any of it though. Why would anyone?
I'm taking it easy today. I'll toddle off to Admin around 3. Bimbo's decided to try out her new make up stills on me. She wants to impress Pierce with a new look. Until then I'll just sit around, eat some smarties, drink some tea...