Thursday, 28 February 2008

The Party Part 2

Dimirtrius left soon after we had spoken. I assume he had more deals to make that night.

I made conversation with a few of Aimee's friends. Most of them seemed very superficial. The conversation was limited to fashion, weight and celebrities. I got bored fairly quickly.

I noticed Aimee had slipped out on the balcony alone. I curiously followed her a few minutes later. She was sat on the floor with her back against the rails concentrating intently on lining up white powder on a dvd case.

"Mind if I join you?"

She looked up at me surprised. She shifted over and I sank down behind her.

"Want one?"

"No thanks I don't touch the stuff."

She shrugged and carried on. I pulled out a cigarette from my tiny bag and lit up. I silently smoked while she snorted a line. She leaned her head against the rails and breathed heavily.

"I say God damn!" She jokingly quoted the line from Pulp Fiction.

There was an awkward silence again.

"Don't tell (Solicitor)."

I was slightly pissed off by what she said. It shouldn't matter to him what she does anymore. They're not together.

"He never saw the bright side of life. So boring!"

I suppose through the eyes of a druggie a well-established, composed lawyer could seem a little boring compared to the smack heads that roam the streets at night begging for spare change. I was really starting to get pissed off with her. I regretted coming outside to talk to her.

"Why do you do it?"

She looked at me as if I had asked a stupid question.

"Seriously Aimee, the last time I saw you, you were in such a state. Why would you do something like that to yourself?"

It may have been due to the cocaine but Aimee just started talking. She didn't stop. She told me about her modelling career. She told me about what should have been a brief relationship with Solicitor. Her horror at an unwanted pregnancy.

"Can you believe he asked me to marry him? Why couldn't he have just encouraged be to abort it like any other normal guy!"

She told me about their son. How she loved him but she just wasn't ready to be a mother. She told me how she hated being a wife. Having to think about other people and the consequences of your actions.

"They say you love your children unconditionally. That’s the problem. I loved him so much but I just wished that he wasn't there. You should always be careful what you wish for."

I got a little emotional when she told me how much she hated herself when he died. It must have been such an awful feeling. To lose someone you love so much and to blame yourself for it.

"You know I felt relieved. How sick does that make me sound? I just wanted to move on. Leave the whole wife and mother thing behind."

Aimee and I are very different people. We have different aspirations in life. Different priorities. I liked listening to her. It gave me an insight into her life and into her mind. We sat outside for a long time. I occasionally smoked a cigarette while she snorted another line.

We spoke about Solicitor. She told me that she never made him happy. She didn't know how and most of the time she didn't really care. She'd regret the way she felt every so often, especially when he rescued her from bad situations, or when he stayed up all night making sure she didn't stop breathing after a long night out.

I told her that I couldn’t imagine not wanting to make him happy. He's such a wonderful man I'd never want to mess things up with him. If I had what she had I would have held it with both hands and never let it go.

"Yes but there's a difference Elise. He didn't love me like he loves you."

I felt my heart overflow with happiness when she said that. He does love me. He tells me in so many different ways.

Aimee leaned over to snort another line when the balcony door slid open. Solicitor looked down at the both of us, regarding the cocaine. I could tell by his expression that the best thing for us to do would be to leave. I stood up and straightened out my trousers.

"We better go." I kissed Aimee on both cheeks and thanked her for inviting us to the party.

As we walked through the door Solicitor turned back to her.

"You know something, Aimee. The next time you're crying and scared because you think you've taken an overdose don't bother calling me because I won't bother coming."

I gripped his arm in effort to steer him away but he pulled away.

"You'll never change. You'll always be a crack head and I'll be damned if I let you into our lives!"

He stalked out. I gave Aimee an apologetic look before hurrying after him.


The Divine Miss M said...

I completely agree with Solicitor. Regardless of what has happened in her life it is no excuse for taking drugs - especially if you are using them to better your life.

Addicts are manipulative at the best and the worst of times. Letting them get close is not a good idea.

Snorting coke is not a good idea.

You're both probably better off not being involved with her at all.

Kitty said...

Looking down at you both like that, he probably saw the contrast in startling clarity.

Good for you ... I really hope you'll both be happy together. x

KaB said...

I always want to turn the page with your grip a reader damn well!

Firstly, how the hell did you keep your composure around someone snorting coke right next to you?!? I don't know how because it would have made me so incredibly angry! I hate that stuff with a passion...there is a deep disgust I have for drugs & to watch it take over this woman is so sad!

She has turned to coke to forget/ disappear or just be able to cope with the shitty blow that life has dealt her! But, so what if life dealt her a different card...survivors pick up the pieces & make the right changes...they don't mope about snorting coke & destroy lives in the process! She's a victim & she's victimising herself!

It's really quite boring if you stand back & ponder! She's got nothing driving her forward...there is nothing that makes her happy or excited about life! She's still looking back at the past, at what she had with Solicitor & her son!

Best thing is to stay away! You & Solicitor already had your wobblies & you most certainly don't need anymore!

He's an absolute winner by the way! Gawd...I hope there is a handful of them in London...I need me a real man!

The Divine Miss M said...

Sorry Kab there aren't. Elise is just lucky :(

astrogalaxy said...

I kinda agree with Solicitor...
Don't get involved and might later land yourself in some other kinds of problems too.

Malach the Merciless said...

Wow . . . you should write a book about this stuff . . .

Lopz said...

I agree with Kitty.... at that moment he was probably SO happy that he picked you. Good luck wuth babe, he's definitely a keeper.

Poetikat said...

Solicitor is probably hurt and blames himself for not being able to make her change. Although he loves you, Elise, he must have loved her to have married her and it probably feels like a failure to him that he can't help her. We all want to make things better for those we care about and Solicitor may have thought she would change for him. He must feel some guilt, even though it's not his fault. I'm glad you're not tied up in the drugs thing. I abhor them and everything they stand for.

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

Aimee seemed at least genuinely honest about herself being superficial (when coked out), but I wouldn't want to be friends with her. She's obviously a very selfish person.

You should never feel sympathy for a drug addict, otherwise you're just feeding their illness. If I were you I would stay away from her.

Slyde said...

i know you feel sorry for her, but your man has got a point... she seems like shes a real mess...

Peter Mc said...

I used to take coke periodically years ago, I turned out ok! This woman seems to be addicted though, with a LOT of deeper routed problems! If you don't steer clear she will start to rely on you and that's when it gets messy! Believe me! I had a friend who was addicted to coke - it killed our friendship and almost got his bother killed (long story) Sufficed to say it's not a good situation to get caught up in!!
FYI I've seen weed cause more damage to people than coke! People under-estimate that drug!!

Grilled Pizza said...

So glad you and Solicitor are going well and even more glad you have put Aimee to rest.
So obvious he is happier with you :0)

bRaT said...

thank you for your comment :)

This has happened to me once... not the coke part or anything... but the part where I didn't fully realize what i had until someone else opened my eyes for me by saying something.. tis a wonderful happiness..

Michelle Hix said...

Wow. What a sad sad person Aimee is.

lotus07 said...

Getting to know the drug addict is always a hollow pursuit. While there may be insight into the reasons, the end result is they take the easy way out, the path of least resistance. That isn't living, it is just existing.

Clueless Cat said...

First, you really do write great posts, and I agree with whoever said you should think about turning this blog into a book!

Second, Solicitor is such a great guy. Yes, I realize you've probably heard this from your readers quite often, but seriously, he's AWESOME! haha (So are you, and it's so nice to read about a good relationship with two people who are good together and for each other!)

Third, I feel kind of sorry for Aimee - unless she stops being so selfish she won't ever have a truly fulfilling life. But, hopefully she'll find that out in her own time...

sweets said...

good for him and poor Aimee, she fucked up her life royally.

Glugster said...

Good on Solicitor. Some people are just a lost cause.

Cocaine Princess said...

Solicitor is smart talking to her like that.

Cocaine Princess

hayley-emsley said...

At least she admitted that she knows he loves you more than he ever loved her. Bet that was a great confidence boost!!!

I agree with Kitty, he deffo saw the contrast in you both!

Love Hayley x

Chickie said...

I'm glad that Solicitor told her that.

And you are a WAY bigger person than I for attending the party!

taxitalk said...

coke and crack are both very different, coke users think they are the greatest, crack heads give head

Getty72 said...

It's a shame when drugs are involved. It kinda reminds me of the boardgame called "Scruples" that was popular in the early 90's. What do you do when a friend is on drugs? .....

It is nice to know that Solicitor loves you so much. That is something that is priceless. You are a very lucky young lady.

Warmest regards ~ Graham xx

roentarre said...

i have a different view.

Most of the civilisations do use drugs which are defined as any substance that has the capacity to alter one's state of mind or physical equilibrium.

Drugs are always important in everyone's daily life and there will always be issues with the use of these substances.

The drugs per say are never bad. It is the attitudes towards drugs that matter.

Bridget said...

How you disappear! Arggg!

hayley-emsley said...

Where are you Elise!!!

Grilled Pizza said...

Where are you???
GP x

Globus said...

this is why the ostrich approach is best. relocate, hell even emigrate, to avoid these encounters with exes.

globus concurs with the rest of the fan club, you write great.

Juliana RW said...

Hi Elise,

Hope you have time to read my post today, I am leaving tomorrow Thanks.

lady J said...

You are an interesting woman.