Monday, 25 February 2008

The Invitation

On my way to work on Tuesday I had another panic attack.

I don't think anything in particular sparked it off. I was casually driving to work listening to Magic fm. Other than the slight irritation of the penetrating sound of Celiene Dion's voice I was in good spirits. Oh yeah, I was still angry about the dvd idea. And of course there were the legal forms and statements surrounding the incident with Bradley....

Maybe there was a reason why a wave of pain flooded my head at the traffic lights. I tried to calm down as soon as it happened. I cradled my head in my hands and forced myself to think happy thoughts.

Halfway through imagining happy free chickens I had an awful thought. What if the doctor was completely wrong? What if I'm suffering from a rare incurable disease?

It didn't help. The cars began beeping behind me.

I managed to park on a nearby street. I turned the radio up and changed the station until I found a song that would put me in a good mood. Strangely, Snoop Dog and Akon seemed to do the trick. I sang along with Akon's chorus and made a mental note to buy the single. Medical reasons of course.

Gay Boss was not impressed when I arrived to work at 10:45 am. CEO had made a surprise visit! Gay Boss lied for me and told him that I had a dentist appointment. CEO didn't believe him. I guess the HMV bag full of CDs was a dead giveaway.

CEO was seated at the head of the conference table when I arrived, pissed off because he was kept waiting for so long. Well he should have told us he was coming shouldn't he! He'd bought a plan for the dvd with him and he wanted to go through it with the two of us. I think he's going senile. He's completely forgotten what it takes to run a business. I was in shock when he relayed his fabulous plans. What a nutter!

Gay Boss completely ignored me through the meeting. I don't blame him. What the hell was I thinking? I took the morning off to buy an Akon album!

After the meeting concluded I got up to leave and another wave of pain filled my head. Gay Boss was immediately at my side. Ten minutes later we were in my office waiting for my headache to pass.

"Elise take a few days off. Go home."

I went home. I went home and poured myself a drink. I changed into a silky nightgown and wrapped my hair up in the ridiculous matching turban that Grandmama gave me for my birthday. I checked myself out in the mirror. All I needed was a cigarette and I was the Drama Queen herself. I think I'm slowly losing my mind.

I got bored after an hour of prancing up and down the house trying out various European accents to go with my new look and I decided to do something constructive. I made a cup of tea and checked the mail.

Council Tax

Gas Bill

Bank Statement


I ripped open the envelope. People never send invitations anymore unless it’s something important. Maybe it’s a wedding!

Cher Elise et (Solicitor)

You are invited to my Housewarming Party on Saturday 23rd February

Dress: Smart-Casual



Aimee's moved to London. Not just anywhere. Her address says "Battersea Mansions"! She didn't say anything about it before. The Bitch! She's trying to move in on Solicitor I just know it! I paced up and down the house silently cursing Solicitor's Runway Model Ex-wife.

Actually when I met Aimee she seemed genuinely friendly. She was going through a rough patch and she seemed lost and terribly unsure of herself. She and Solicitor still keep in contact. Maybe going to the party would be a good idea.

When Solicitor got home that night he found the bedroom in a complete mess of clothes. I had spent the day trying on every possible outfit for the party.


Poetikat said...

Ah! Clever. I had completely forgotten about Aimee. Does silk robe and turban count as smart-casual? Can't wait for all the details of the soiree. Maybe Aimee has a new someone in her life too. Or not.

The Divine Miss M said...

Hey, she might not be trying to move in on Solictor. She might just be being genuinly friendly. You never know hey.

He's chosen to be with you, don't be the paranoid woman on him!

Glad to have you back by the way, you've been missed!

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

I'm glad you're back, too! I hope you are doing better and try not to worry so much about Aimee. She's probably offering a friendly gesture. :)

Kitty said...

Try Dr Bach's Rescue Remedy - for the panic attacks. You can get it in Boots or health food shops.

Have a good time at the party! x

hayley-emsley said...

Hi Elise, where the hell have you been?? I have been logging on everyday to read up on you and "nothing" glad to see you back!

First of all, i hope your attacks go soon, it sounds excrutiating!

Secondly, Gay boss could have at least called you and warned you CEO was there!

Lastly, i think you should go to the party, don't let her think you are intimidated by her! Just turn up looking fabulous! Do your routine thing and buy yourself something gorgeous!

bRaT said...

oh my god!! why is everything a competition for you women? bah...!

ignore ignore ignore.. maybe?

Malach the Merciless said...

It definitely sound axietly related/Post Traumatic Stress. Keep working on the MD.

MaddeningCloud said...

walking around speaking in accents to yourself is brilliant. i have none.

Trée said...

I'm liking where this is going. Should I wear tails? ;-)

Elise, again, you paint with words in those most vibrant hues of mood and love and passion and the canvas seduces with polished crimson manicured nails and a wicked non-grin grin. I can see you walking. Not walking, but walking. Clear as Sunday morning. :-)

Cocaine Princess said...

Hey Elise,
I was wondering about you. I kept checking your blog and nothing! I thought perhaps you went on vacation until you left a comment on my blog, thanks for the compliment. You're not losing your mind. I think you need a mental relaxation. Always listen to your body.
Cocaine Princess

Michelle Hix said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michelle Hix said...

"happy free chickens"??? I guess my last post didn't help huh?

OMG! As soon as I read "Aimee" my stomach jumped! Personally, I think you should send a regret. I think it is okay that he exchange holiday cards with his ex and maybe a phone call once a year but other than that he needs to cut the ties for a while. (my two cents)

sweets said...

remember there is a reason why she is the EX and you're not...

KaB said...

Go get a second opinion re: your head!

Have you ever thought about changing jobs or do you really like it there?!? Lately, you don't seem to be in a happy place with it?!?

As for ex wife...she's an ex runway model...dear god...I'd go ano for a week or something!

I hope you knocked her socks off! Actually...Solicitor's rather :)

Grilled Pizza said...

Go to the party looking as fabulous as you know you can!
Hope the attacks stop soon
GP x

Shemley said...

You should trust solicitor but not Aimee, I hate to say it but a womnan's first instincts are usual correct.

Linda and her Surroundings said...

A party is always a good thing when in the middle of a crisis.

Solicitor lives with you. Be confident with his choice.