Monday, 14 January 2008

Shoebox of Tampons

I took Friday off from work. Gay Boss thought it would be good to take a long weekend off so I could "maintain my mental health". I'm not crazy. I'm just a little jumpy. Its understandable with all the stress that I've been through recently.

Anyway, I took this opportunity to move the bulk of my things to Solicitors place. Yes, he asked me to move in with him! I know its soon. Its only been two months but it makes sense. I'm always staying at his place, I may as well move in. Financially it will save a lot of money. I can let out my place and the rent will cover mortgage payments. Solicitor has already paid off his mortgage so all I'll really have to do is help out with bills.

Everything was going so well. We cooked a lovely meal together on Friday to celebrate. We finished a bottle of wine and half a bottle of Jack Daniels and spent the night talking about everything. We decided to move the furniture around and we talked about redecorating the bedroom. I love the bedroom just as it is. The only thing I would change is the carpet. A wooden floor with a nice rug would look so much nicer.

On Saturday I started to freak out. Not about commitment but about my tampons. I didn't know where to unpack them. I couldn't put them in the bathroom cabinet next to his shaving foam could I? I couldn't put them in my underwear draw since it was was filled to the brim. (I recently bought lots of sexy underwear.)

As I looked through my toiletry box I started freaking out a little more. Body Shop Warming Face Mask. How the hell was I going to apply it without Solicitor seeing? He's not stupid. I'm sure he knows that I have a grooming ritual. But he's not supposed to see it! Even if its not on my face I don't want him to find face mask, tampons, epilator, hot hair oil just lying around the house. I was hoping to keep up the charade of "I look naturally gorgeous".

I'm not one of those women that wakes up and applies make up straight away. I've spent days walking around Solicitors place in joggers without make-up and without brushing my hair and I know I don't look bad. Its the under-cover grooming that makes the difference; the hot oil that I apply to my hair once a week that keeps it so thick and silky so I don't have to blow dry or straighten it, the warming face mask keeps my face blemish free so I don't have to wear make-up, the epilating that keeps my legs smooth and hair free!

I panicked and called the Queen of Beauty.

"(Bimbo) I have a slight problem. What am I going to do about grooming and where should I put all of my tampons?!"

"Its okay! Use shoe boxes. Shove everything in shoeboxes and keep them with your shoes. He'll never look inside! Stay in the bathroom and turn the shower on. Do everything you need to do in the bathroom. Keep the door locked!"

Wow. It sounded like a rescue mission! Bimbo has been with Pierce for years. She moved in with him when she found out she was pregnant. I can't believe she keeps up the "air of mystique" even with morning sickness and raging hormones. On the phone she told me she swears by shoeboxes and loud showers.

I carefully arranged the shoeboxes full of toiletries inside the wardrobe. I placed the shoes on top of them to make them look inconspicuous. No. It looked wrong. I took the shoes off. Much better.

This morning, over coffee and pop tarts, Solicitor asked me if I'd unpacked the bare essentials.

"Of course! Why?"

"Well you've still got shoeboxes full of girly stuff. You might find it easier if you unpacked them in the bathroom."

Maybe I was a little over dramatic. So what if he's seen my box of tampons. He's not stupid. He knows about "the time of the month". And he probably won't inspect the tubes and bottles of toiletries to a great degree.

There's no way I'm going to walk around with goo on my face though! There are some things that I will lock myself in the bathroom and turn the shower on for!


i am the diva said...

ah yes, the joys of moving in. :D

Malach the Merciless said...

Woman are nuts, there I said it

Slyde said...


hayley-emsley said...


Give it another couple of months and you won't care! I send my husband the supermarket for me, if you asked him what i brand i use, he will tell you the make, model and colour! haha. It's nothing to be embarrased about! As for the mask issue, get him to join in with you, i have had them in the past and ended up messing round with Phil and he's ended up wearing one too! We called it pamper night and drank some wine as we waited! haha.


Send him the pub with his mates and then do the "ritual". He will be made up with the chance to spend time with his chums and you get to do what you need to do.! Problem solved and everyone is happy!! haha

Pixie said...

Elise - tampons - huh - thats nothing.

Not that I imagine you are the type of girly who wears black opaque tights in the winter - but if you are - then DO NOT put them on in front of Mr S and DEFINITELY do not walk out of the bedroom into the bathroom !!!!!

They have to be the worse thing, especially if they have "worn a bit thin" at the top and you can see your "G" all squished inside.

Oooh not nice - so tampons, hot oil, Veet etc - nothing!

Kitty said...

You could have mutual face mask nights - smear it on each other, could be fun ;-) x

lotus07 said...

It must be different on the 'Continent'. Here in the 'States' every place has two bathrooms. Seperate bathrooms are required here. Men don't want to see what is in the woman's and women don't want to see that men never clean the toilet.

Cocaine Princess said...

Congratulations on you moving in with Solicitor! I have to know, are you going to be one of those women who tells her boyfriend to pick up some things from the grocery store: milk, juice, bread and TAMPONS? I'm just kidding. I wish you and Solicitor love and joy.

Cocaine Princess

B.E. Earl said...

A shoebox of tampons isn't so bad.

A shoebox of used tampons is a nightmare.

Clueless Cat said...

LoL, why was he going through your shoeboxes? haha! All that effort to hide your toiletries, wasted!

KaB said...

I can't believe you hide your essentials...I'm sure the guy realises that you look after yourself & that to do needs the bare essentials as he so aptly put it!

But funny story!

And I think over time you'll walk around with your gooey face & not even be fussed about it!

Mmm...I'm off to buy some hot oils for my hair now...thanks yo! I need a bit of pampering to do :)

Oh & lots of luck with living's exciting times!

Peter Mc said...

We men aren't as clueless as women think!!! It's no secret (without sounding sexist) that we like women to look good but we don't imagine it happens by miracle fairy dust! I reckon solicitor would probably be happy to know you're comfortable enough with him to not worry about that sort of thing! I would be! He'd like you just the same with or without the face mask! I guarantee it!
P.S in reference to your last blog I think maybe you have contracted a terrible disease - "dramaqueenitus" Ha! You need to learn to relax!!

Lopz said...

Oh my word, what a fabulous blog! This is the first time I'm reading it, and you certainly deserve your addictive blog award! Can't wait for the next installment ;-)

Michelle Hix said...

I don't ever remember going through this thought process...but maybe that's because hubby moved in with he had to bring his own shoe boxes, ha ha.

C.Rag said...

You should just say you keep your porn in the shoe boxes.

Elise said...

Porn? C.Rag, if you told a guy you keep porn in a shoebox in your wardrobe do you honestly believe he wont raid it?

Grilled Pizza said...


I am so pleased for you!

Kathleen Mortensen said...

Okay, forget the whole shoebox thing for a minute. A bottle of wine and 1/2 a bottle of JD? That would have made me catatonic!
You crazy young people.

Now to the tampons and other goodies...(incidentally, congrats on being the first person in history to come up with the title "Shoebox of Tampons" Brava!

This is why I always bought (no need now) those little boxes of tampons with no applicators. They are so tiny you could put them inside a box that you get jewelry in (tiny, square, usually metallic - I buy costume). Face masks, hair oil treatments...You can be in the bathroom without wasting all the water. Play some loud music instead.

Shemley said...

Elise, great blog as always!

Oh yeah, the conclusion has come...

Bridget said...

Yeah, the panic stations was a little over-dramatic darl. Didn't he see this stuff when he was at your place? Glad you straightened this out though!

sweetass RSA said...

LOL... you have girly things in your shoe boxes... is nothing sacred anymore!!!!!????

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Oh, there are limits to how much of the feminine mystique one can keep up. Guys don't mind the process of their girl being gorgeous - the end result is all they notice.

Remember, guys think differently to women. Thankfully.

carebear said...

haha that's a cute story :) i wish you and "solicitor" the best :)