Thursday, 10 January 2008

"...I'm Gay"


Lunch with Gay Boss yesterday was quite eventful.


He took me to a fancy Italian restaurant a few miles away from work. I felt so guilty. I jumped a mile when the waiter handed us menus. I couldn't even read the menu properly. I stared at it for ages thinking about Stoner sneaking around Gay Boss's office.


"Okay Elise, what's going on?" Gay Boss sounded almost like a father. He poured me a glass of wine and squeezed my hand. "Are you...ill?"


Ill? What a fantastic excuse for strange behaviour! Yes, I'm ill. I have an incurable disease that causes me to act strange and jumpy all the time. Its a nervous disorder called...um... nervousakiller...osis... No that sounds fake. Killernervousis...?


I thought about lying but Gay Boss looked so concerned I decided to trust him and tell him everything.


"(Gay Boss) we've been friends for a long time. Seen each other through a lot, right?" I took a deep breath and squeezed his hand for reassurance. He cut in and sighed.


"Elise... I have to tell you something..."


Holy Shit! He did have something to do with it!


"...I'm Gay."


Okay. Um... where the hell is this going?


"If I could choose any woman to be with. If I were straight. I would be with you. But the point is... I don't like women... and as much as I think we're close it could never work."


What the fuck! I really should have cut in but I let him carry on...


"You've got a good thing going with (Solicitor). I think you should work on that."


"What the fuck are you talking about?" I really had to stop him there. I was embarrassed for the guy. "You're so bloody full of yourself! You think I fancy you?"


"...Well.."


"I know you're Gay! Why else would I laugh my head off when (Old Prick) accused us of having an affair?"


"You know? Shit! Is it obvious?"


"Not really. I think I'm the only one that knows." There's no point in telling him Scruffy Artist and Stoner know too. "I'm very intuitive..." I found the Gaydar web-page in your Internet history.


We had a little laugh. He looked relieved that he could be himself around me. I wasn't lying when I said it wasn't obvious. He doesn't look or act gay at all.


When the main course arrived I told him everything. I told him that somebody changed the Master Contract and I found errors in it that could potentially ruin the company. Gay Boss was shocked and angry. "I didn't fight my way to the fucking top just so some wanker can fuck everything up!" Whenever Gay Boss gets genuinely stressed he swears a lot more. He got to the point where every other work was "fuck".


I also told him the CEO wanted me to keep it quiet, even from him. Gay Boss wasn't happy with that. He was pissed off that nobody had faith him him. I agreed with him before taking a quick loo break to phone Stoner. I told him to get out of Gay Boss's office and leaved everything exactly as it was. What the hell was I thinking, accusing Gay Boss of all sorts of crap?!


By the time I'd got back Gay Boss had decided that we have to keep everything to ourselves. CEO must be having the company investigated privately. If we get involved then it may look like we're the bad guys. He has a point. I guess Solicitor was right. I shouldn't get involved. I should just go to work and do my job.


Its quite an exciting thought though isn't it? There might be a spy working for the company at the moment. Someone pretending to be a cleaner or a part-time worker. I need to find out who. Maybe I could help. Be an undercover agent for a while. With a gun and one of those miniature video cameras disguised as a necklace....

24 comments:

Kitty said...

Ooooh, you'd better check your keyboard for bugs! x

Ruby said...

and your phone, and your desk, and the fake plant on the corner of your desk......where else do they usually put them?

Grilled Pizza said...

You can get webcams that act like CCTV, get one set up girl!
Bet solicitor had a laugh about gayboss thinking you fancied him lol

The Divine Miss M said...

Hey Elise, I really hate to be the voice of reason and rain on your parade (the practical side of me is coming through now)

But you probably should stop investigating this and telling people! You've told 3 people now when your big CEO told you not to tell a soul. You don't know who is the "spy" or if there even is one but you probably should stop now and just get on with your job and let the people who deal with this deal with it.

You'd better hope that the CEO doesn't find out that you told Solictor, Stoner and Gay Boss because then you're probably in quite a bit of trouble...

Be slightly practical!

sweetass RSA said...

i'll just call you sherlock... it's like a spy novel reading your post today...LOL

Malach the Merciless said...

2 words:

Pinhole Cameras

Bridget said...

You really should read Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination! Not that it'll cure you of your MI6 agent tendencies!!

Glad it all went well!

Slyde said...

im not sure how he came to the conclusion that you were hot for him, especially since you havent seen him in a month... thats just.... odd.

lotus07 said...

Cats out of the bag......and in case you haven't done it recently, there are notoriously difficult to get back in the bag.

Cocaine Princess said...

Before I even finished your blog I myself came to the conclusion as well there must be a spy in the office. Sometimes it turns out the person who you least expect it to be. Do you have any suspects yet?

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

B.E. Earl said...

This was awesome!

I read this one aloud to my girlfriend who thinks you lead the most exciting life.

She's never worked in an office. ;)

i am the diva said...

your life is so far more interesting than mine. so jealous.

C.Rag said...

He doesn't seem to know about you posing as him to hook up with a guy. You've gotten away with it, lucky.

Clueless Cat said...

Eek! How exciting...and it's kinda funny that gay boss thought you were interested in him. haha!

Good luck...and keep us posted on the happenings!!

Glugster said...

Is there ever a dull moment in your office?

Pixie said...

If your cleaner is Polish then he/she is the spy.

Don't ask me how I know. If I told you I would have to shoot you x
Pix

Juliana RW said...

Hi Elise,

You want to try win a Diamond earrings giveaway

Sheena Gates said...

I hope this works out okay for you Elise! Mystery series channel right over here on your very own blog!

bRaT said...

I just followed your story... and you weren't supposed to tell... anybody... you could be in a lot of trouble... keep your head down and stay out of trouble...

bRaT said...

oh, and i almost forgot... loving your blog... :) addicted to it now...

Frederick said...

I am without words, and that's hard to do :)

Linda and her Surroundings said...

It just shows you should always live your life assuming that others are watching you. That helps in ensuring you always do your best and always look your best.

I think CEO is not a good person.

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Oh, you also need to learn to keep secrets. The urge to spill the beans is short lived. So, remember the saying "loose lips sink ships".

Learn to keep your mouth shut and ears open.

Michelle Hix said...

You crack me up! You have yourself a whole new job...you are now Elise, PI.