Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Good! Now do it a hundred times.

Yesterday I thought it was time that I joined a new gym close to my new home. I googled local gyms and sports centres and I found a place called "Panther". Membership is cheap and they offer personal training specialising in kick-boxing. I decided to call and book in an induction and a training session. They booked me in for 6pm. My trainer's name is Ayudeji Jiddy.

Panther is situated near an industrial estate down a quiet road. I walked up and down the road six times before I spotted the tattered sign above the door of a small building. No wonder membership is cheap!

The inside of the building reminded me of the gym in Rocky. There was a boxing ring centred in the middle of the large hall with punch bags on the sidelines. The CV machines and weights were in an adjoining room. Unlike most gyms that are normally full of fat people trying to get healthy or sports people that are maintaining a toned frame, Panther was full of men with bulging muscles.

Shit! I should have just joined the Fitness First near Solicitor's work place. We could have trained together. Ran side by side on treadmills.

Ayudeji Jiddy (who insisted I called him Jiddy) has a strong African accent and looks a little like 50 Cent but with crooked teeth. He quickly ran through the motions of showing me how each machine worked before taking my to my assigned punch bag in the far corner of the big hall. He threw questions at me in a loud booming voice as he filled out official forms.

"What are you training for?"

This felt like an interview! A very scary interview.

"I want to get healthy."

Jiddy put down the form and studied me.

"You're not training as a professional?"

A professional? Is that what all these people are here for?

"Um... no. Is that a problem?"

"Eh! I'm glad! Your too soft!"

We began with an intense warm-up on the exercise bike. He increased the setting every five minutes. After half an hour my legs were pounding and I was sweating like mad. I was on the highest setting and I could barely push the pedal. I wanted to stop but Jiddy wouldn't allow it. He encouraged me to go on.

(By encouraged, I mean he shouted at me in his intimidating voice.)

After the 45min session on the bike he took me back to my punch bag and showed me how to punch correctly. He went through the motion slowly until I had perfected it.

"Good! I think you've got it... Now do it a hundred times."

After that he showed me a method of kicking. When I'd perfected it he said,

"Good! Now do it a hundred times."
Another method....
"Good! Now do it a hundred times."

By the end of the two and a half hour session I felt like I was dying. I was soaked with sweat and my muscles were killing me. I was desperate for a long hot shower. Jiddy has control issues. I'm not training for the Olympics I just want to get healthy.

My muscles are killing me. This morning I couldn't move. It hurts to pick things up. My upper arms can't take the strain. Walking is a challenge. This isn't right. I've had personal trainers before and none of them have pushed me this far on a first session.
I'm joining Fitness First.


The Divine Miss M said...

And that is why I never get personal trainers. They always make me feel so pathetic and sore not to mention how they intimidate the hell out of me!

I'm not a fan of gyms, all the running on the same spot and no one talking to each other freaks me out.

I get the stiffness and muscle exercise from my climbing and I'm going to stick with that!

Grilled Pizza said...

Elise i already hated the gym but you have definitely sealed its fate in my life, i doubt i will ever go again!
Go swimming like we do lol its much easier....

hayley-emsley said...

My god!! That is the exact reason why i hate the gym too! I prefer to go swimming, it's actually very therapuetic and you don't have to talk or feel intimidated by anyone! Just get in and swim and it is actually one of the best forms of exercise, because you use all your muscles to swim and you feel light when swimming so you can push yourself and not feel it!

As i washed my hair last night, i will not be going swimming until the weekend! haha

Kitty said...

You write a great blog Elise - very good. Now do it a hundred times! :-p x

Slyde said...

agreed... i have been gym-going for almost 20 years now, and i have never used a trainer for exactly that reason.

i like to work out at my OWN pace...

i am the diva said...

awww, i was totally looking forward to the Made for TV movie where you train hard, kick ass all over England, and then go through a heart breaking - yet touching goodbye as your trainer dies after being hit by a train. oh well.

Elise said...

Goodbye, yes... touching? Hell no!

Kathleen Mortensen said...

Now you can join the Marines!

lotus07 said...

You are Veek! Veek I tell you! You need to pump yourself up, Veekling!!!

Malach the Merciless said...

I take some MMA, they are awesome to stay in shape

Cocaine Princess said...

I myself have a personal trainer too. He use to be in the military and he's so strict with me. One time I was only 2 minutes late. He made me pay for it by doing an extra 30 min. of exercises. He's wears a camouflage jogging suit with a loud whistle around his neck. He's very strict but gets the job done!

A vibrator?! I laughed out loud when I read that.

Cocaine Princess

B.E. Earl said...

I got a bit of a workout while reading this entry.

I got up in the middle of it to get a glass of milk. Does that count?

Glugster said...

This is just crazy. I've been with a personal trainer for more than a year now and we never do sessions longer than an hour! And you need to start out slowly. He can't just expect you to work out like that until you have gotten into the swing of things! He could have injured you!

I'm glad you are going to a proper gym now.

sweetass RSA said...

i hope jiddy doesn't have your home address...

Juliana RW said...

what an coincidence this post. I also write about i must doing exercise. But mostly because my big belly :D Just read at my blog.

Christopher Gehler said...

I got in trouble while reading this during class. I burst out laughing and people saw I was reading your blog.

You shoulda told him to calm it down a bit, but then again, giving up is always just as good. =/

Glad to see you had fun on holiday, hope to see you trolling around my blog a bit more.

Have fun getting in shape!

Michelle Hix said...

2.5 hours is a looooong workout!

Ruby said...

did you give jiddy your home address??? he's gonna come pull you outa bed if you don't show up for a training session!!!!

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Sounds like my Thursday night boxing circuit. Keep doing it - remember you get the face and body you deserve after the age of 40. So, start working and staying gorgeous or else it is all sag city in years to come!

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

Did you know statistics show 70 percent of personal trainers sleep with their clients?

I'm sure he is thinking...."She'll be back."

Will said...

It's so friggin' over for me, hun.
I'm sorry. I can't blog anymore.

Keep writing.
Love you,