The Shampoo Attack

I presented to Sanyo yesterday morning.

I didn't have much time to prepare for it as I spent most of last week feeling sorry for myself. It's not the first time I haven't prepared for a presentation. I usually slip into a professional mode and I somehow manage to pull it off.

Not this time.

My audience were three women. For some reason Women are much more difficult to present to. They look for mistakes. They compete with each other to ask the most complicated questions. If anything is going to go wrong in a presentation it normal happens at the end during the discussion.

I messed up right at the beginning.

"As Sony have a large range of products, catering for different consumer groups..."

Gay Boss went red in the face. What did I do wrong?

Shit! I'm presenting to Sanyo not Sony!

I felt a wave of hysteria erupt as I realised my mistake. I had to fight to keep myself from laughing out loud. The three witches stared at me in silence. One of them was writing something down on her notepad.

That's it. I've fucked it up.

I somehow got through the rest of the presentation without any further hiccups. I doubt we'll hear from them anytime soon.

Gay Boss was livid. He had a "chat" with me when they left.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I can't believe you could be so fucking stupid. You completely fucked up!"

He tends to swear a lot when he's angry.

Logically I knew how serious this was but I still couldn't repress my laughter. I buried my face in my hands and silently shook while Gay Boss stalked up and down my office ranting and raving.

I decided to stay put in my office for the rest of the day to "reflect on my current issues".

At 5:30 on the dot I picked up my bag and locked up my office. For some odd reason I was happy. I'd completely messed up a potentially great deal but I was happy.

I got to the bottom of the stairs when I sudden rush of pain enveloped my head. I gripped the banister to keep my balance. I stayed still. The pain disappeared as quickly as it came. I took a deep breath.

Another pain rush. It felt like my brain cells were exploding.

I sank down onto the first step and cradled my head. I couldn't breath. What was happening to me?

"Oh my God! Elise!"

Bimbo came running down the stairs and sat down beside me.

Another rush of pain.

I gripped her hand.

"I think I'm dying."

I honestly did. You read about these things all the time. A perfectly healthy person dying on the spot with an intense headache.

Bimbo panicked. She burst into tears. Her panic had a huge effect on me. The pain suddenly got blindingly worse. I couldn't speak.

Bimbo called Stoner from her phone while she held me. He was there within a minute. The two of them walked me to Bimbo's car. Stoner sat in the back with me. My head seemed to get worse. Shooting pains running through my brain. I had to remind myself to breath.

"She's having a brain haemorrhage!" Bimbo sobbed from the drivers seat. "I love you Elise. I haven't told you this before but I really do."

"She's not having a brain haemorrhage!" Stoner shouted back. "She's experiencing an allergy attack. Did you use a new shampoo?"

....

"You've experienced an anxiety attack."

The doctor at the hospital was very definite about it. The waves of pain had slowly diluted by the time he saw me. I was left with a dull headache.

"But I'm happy!" I cried out. Honestly, the doctor didn't know what he was talking about. Doctors make mistakes all the time. Remember that surgeon that left his forceps in a patient and sewed him up? The headache was not an anxiety attack. I'm not anxious about anything.

He smiled kindly and squeezed my shoulder.

"These things happen. The next time you experience it remember to take a deep breath and relax as much as you can. It will pass. Would you like me to prescribe some medication?"

This was embarrassing. I shook my head.

I told Bimbo and Stoner that it was an allergy attack. Bimbo freaked out and asked what shampoo I had used.

"Um... it was Morrison's own brand."

Sorry Morrison's, it just came out! I'm sure your product range is very safe.

The safest I'd ever been

I did go to the police.

Solicitor picked me up from work on Friday and he drove to the police station. He parked outside and asked me if I wanted to go in. I contemplated for half an hour before we went inside.

What should have been a chat about the incident turned into a gruelling interrogation. I filled out a statement form and answered more questions. I thought I'd just have to relay the incident but I was asked to recall whether he grabbed my left arm or my right arm first. I was asked what side of the car I was pushed against.

I felt like screaming. "I already told you this you stupid pikey bitch!"

Long hours later we got up to leave. The police officer shook our hands.

"We'll be in touch."

That's it? I don't know what I expected her to say but I thought she'd elaborate a little more.

As we drove home I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I did the right thing.

That night I couldn't sleep. I suddenly had an over whelming feeling of regret. I'd possibly ruined Bradley's life. I tossed and turned for hours unable to repress the dull pain in the pit of my stomach.

I was exhausted. It had been days since I had slept. Whenever I managed to nod off I had unbearable nightmares.

I padded to the bathroom in search of some sleeping pills. I was raiding the box of pills when I heard Solicitor. He stood in the doorway wiping the tiredness from his eyes. He slowly regarded the box and looked at me in question.

"Do we have any Nytol?"

He shook his head. He walked in and replaced the box.

"Get dressed. Put something warm on."

Ten minutes later we stepped out of the house into the cold night. Solicitor loaded the car with a thick blanket, extra coats and jumpers and two flasks of hot chocolate.

We drove for hours. He took the M4 out of London towards the west. Past Heathrow. Past Reading. Past Wokingham.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

We turned off at an exit past Swindon. The country lanes were dark and empty. There were no streetlights at all. Solicitor turned off down a dirt road barely wide enough to fit a car. There were thick bushes on either side scraping the windows as we drove through.

We suddenly stopped. Solicitor turned off the engine and the lights from the car.
"Close your eyes."

He helped me out of the car, holding me steady on the jagged road.

"Look up" He whispered.

I opened my eyes and gasped. The sky was filled with million and millions of stars. They were so bright they were like Christmas lights. I stood frozen in shock.

We sat on the blanket on the bonnet of the car smoking, drinking hot chocolate and whispering. It was as if we had discovered an amazing secret. As if we didn't want to ruin the silent beauty with any noise.

I fell asleep in the car on the way home.

I remember falling asleep in the car when I was a young child. I remember being carried into the house by my father. He used to hold me close and kiss my hair. My face buried in his neck. I trusted him completely during those moments. He kept me the safest I had ever been.

Solicitor carried me up the stairs when we got home. He laid me down on the bed and removed my clothes. He tucked me under the thick duvet and slid his warm body beside me. He wrapped me in his powerful arms. I felt his butterfly kisses on my neck before I fell into a blissful deep sleep.

I've decided

I haven't slept properly in a while. I have a presentation on Monday and I've only looked at it once. I can't concentrate. The Pro-Plus is giving me a dull headache.

The sun is shinning brightly today. The sky is a beautiful shade of blue. The air is fresh and cool. Why do I feel so depressed.

Solicitor didn't murder Bradley (although I'm sure he wanted to).

Solicitor is a logical person but passionate in so many ways. He expresses anger and love with intensity. After the incident Solicitor told me that he's never hated anybody as much as he hates Bradley. The very thought of him makes him shake with anger.

When he came back from Bradley's on Wednesday I feared the worst. I honestly believed that Solicitor had beaten him to a pulp. To my surprise (and relief) he hadn't. He couldn't resist one big kick in the balls when he opened the door though. I hope he's still in pain for scaring me the way he did.

Solicitor told him that if the incident went to court he doesn't have a case to defend himself. He'd be looking at jail time. Bradley nodded and told him that he'd plea guilty to all charges anyway. He wouldn't deny anything and would accept the punishment.

I believe him. Solicitor, who seriously hates the guy, believes him.

On his way out Solicitor told me that he pushed Bradley against the wall by his throat and told him that if he came within a mile of me again he wouldn't hesitate to kill him.

I asked Solicitor what he thinks I should do.

Although the relationship between Bradley and I was short lived there were certain elements that lead me to believe that the incident is a solo one. I don't think he has ever done it before and I seriously doubt he'd do it again.

Solicitor knows the details of the history and he agrees with me. After meeting Bradley he's convinced that the attack was meant for me and me alone. He still wants him to pay for it though.

Bradley is not a serial rapist or attacker. Reporting it and taking the incident to court would only serve as punishment for what he did to me. It wouldn't make a difference to other girls if he remained on the streets.

I haven't told Solicitor this because I'm sure he'll arrange some sort of counselling if I did, but I think I'm partly to blame for it. I could have avoided it if I thought things through. I feel guilty.

I don't think jail time would help Bradley. I think he needs counselling. I've decided to go to the police and tell them what happened. I don't want Bradley to go to jail I want him to get psychological help. I'm hoping that the police will help me arrange it.

I hope Solicitor understands when I tell him.

The Car Park

I decided to let Solicitor deal with it. On Tuesday night Solicitor told me that he was going to do some background checks on Bradley and find out as much as he could. In the mean time I had to promise not to go anywhere alone just in case.

I arrived early to work yesterday and I decided to tell Gay Boss everything. I walked into his office hoping for a friendly chat.

"Tell me your here to talk about Sanyo."

Sanyo? Shit! The presentation. I hadn't even started it. The presentation is Monday morning.

I told him about Bradley, the emails and the phone calls. I wasn't expecting him to be sympathetic but what he said really pissed me off.

"Jeez Elise. Some guy's calling you? Lets all stop the globe from spinning!"

I lost it. I called him an asshole and turned to leave.

"Don't get all hormonal on me." He reached in his pocket and pulled out a pound coin. "Here's a quid. Go buy yourself some chocolate."

God I really hate him sometimes! I stalked up to my office and paced around for a few minutes. Two hours later I had finished the Sanyo presentation. For the first time in months I had been completely focused on my work.

Gay Boss came up soon after armed with a box of Roses chocolates. He emptied the contents on to my desk and he sat opposite me. For the next hour we ate chocolates and talked. He told me that he didn't mean to sound like an idiot. He was just making a point.

I've never viewed myself as a victim of anything. A few phone calls shouldn't get me down. Gay Boss told me its better to be pissed off at a friend than scared of an asshole. Odd concept but I agree.

I left work late. I called Solicitor just as I left my office and told him I'd meet him at the gym. The car park was unusually quiet. My car was the only one there. I quickly walked towards it and fished my keys out of my bag. Just as I got to it I heard a voice behind me.

"Elise-Babe."

I froze. I hadn't heard footsteps. He was waiting for me! Before I could move he grabbed me from behind and pulled me against him. His arm trapped both of mine in an uncomfortable iron grip against my body. I couldn't move. Even if I wasn't too scared to move, I wasn't strong enough to break away from him.

"Unlock the car."

I dropped the keys instead. If he wanted them he'd have to loosen his grip. There was no way I was going to open the door. He swore under his breath. He pushed me against the car door trapping me.

I felt his hand on my leg pulling my thighs apart. I could feel his arousal through he clothes as he pushed against me. I knew what he was thinking and I panicked. I struggled but I couldn't move.

The more I struggled the more I could feel him getting hard. His breath was heavy and hot against my cheek. I felt sick. Tears ran down my face as I tried to fight a losing battle.

His hand savagely pushed my skirt up and groped me. My tights ripped as I struggled. He suddenly pulled me away from the car and pushed me onto the cold hard floor. Before I could think about getting up he had pinned me down with his body. My arms were twisted painfully underneath my body.

I screamed as he touched me. I thrashed my head around to avoid his hand coving my mouth.

"For fuck's sake! Shut up!"

He thumbled around with his jeans as I tried to wriggle free. He pushed himself between my legs. I begged and pleaded with him to stop but he wasn't listening. He was so intent on what he was doing.

A voice from across the car park startled us both.

“Hey!”

Bradley sprung up and ran. The security guard ran after him as I sat up and tried pulled myself together. My hands and elbows were filthy from the floor. Blood slowly oozed from small scrapes on my legs and hands. I scrambled for my car keys.

I don't quite know how I managed to drive but I somehow made it to Solicitors work building. I parked on the double yellow line outside and ran in. Solicitor was on the phone when I burst into his office. He hung up immediately with a shocked look on his face.

He held me close as I cried. I couldn't speak. I could feel him shaking with anger as I cried.

I couldn't manage many words but I shakily told him that Bradley waited for me in the car park. Solicitor was livid. He wrapped me in his coat and led me to his car. He drove home in silence.

He made a few phone calls while I sat still on the sofa lost in thought. I needed to have a shower I felt dirty and humiliated. Solicitor stopped me as I moved to the bathroom

"We have to go to the hospital."

I didn't want to go. I don't know why but the whole idea of going to a hospital and waiting to be seen was too much to handle. Solicitor insisted. He said that even thought Bradley hadn’t managed to go all the way I needed to be checked out.

Solicitor has Bradley's home address. The phone company has faxed over a log of phone calls that Bradley made to my number. The emails have been saved. Solicitor called the car park security and found that incident had been recorded. There's a witness. And after a long exhausting wait at the hospital I have a full medical report.

Should I decide to file a complaint Bradley hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Late last night Solicitor paid Bradley a visit. I don’t know the details but when he came home he held me close and said that he’s taken care of it.

Exhausted and Frustrated

Yesterday afternoon was awful. I couldn't concentrate on anything. Bradley tried calling countless times before I turned my phone off.

Bimbo called and told me that he dropped by and asked to see me. She told him that I wasn't in. I thanked her and told her that if he comes again she should tell him that I've resigned.

Gay Boss came to my office to speak to me before I left to go home. I wasn't listening to anything he was saying. He finally got angry with me. He accused me of not listening to a word that he was saying. Apparently I'm a selfish individual who doesn't give a shit about anyone but myself.

I fought angry tears as I hurried to my car. The car park was eerily empty. It was dark and cold. The lighting was extremely dim. Why had I never noticed that before?

I sudden movement in the shadows made me jump and drop my keys. I clumsily picked them up and got into the car. My heart was beating so fast. I was afraid. I don't know why. So I got a few phone calls from an ex boyfriend. It doesn't mean he's chasing me for Gods sake!

I don't quite remember driving home but before I knew it I was standing in the living room with every light in the house switched on. I decided to occupy myself and make a start on dinner. Solicitor normally gets home an hour or so after I do. It might break the tension between us if I cooked him a nice meal.

I slowly calmed down as I peeled potatoes. I laughed at myself for getting so stressed out. I was just checking the chicken in the oven when the landline rang. I jumped and burnt my hand on the baking tray. I couldn't help but cry as I held my hand beneath a cold tap. I felt exhausted and frustrated.

I was vaguely aware of the phone ringing in the background while I sobbed by the sink.

I'm not sure how long I stood there crying. My hand was numb from the freezing water but I didn't move. That’s how Solicitor found me. He walked into the kitchen and saw the open oven door, the half peeled potatoes and me bawling my eyes out.

He wordlessly walked out of the kitchen. He came back a minute later and led me into the living room. He held my freezing hand and carefully inspected it. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. He was so sweet and gentle.

He'd run me a bath. Nobody has ever run me a bath before.

He cleared up the kitchen while I got in. He'd poured too much bubble bath but it felt perfect. Maybe not perfect. I was slipping around and I couldn't get comfortable. I gave up after five minutes of trying to relax yet keep my head above the water. It did the trick though. I wasn't as frustrated as I had been. I felt safer.

I curled up on the sofa in the big ugly robe that my sister had bought me for Christmas. It felt amazingly warm and comfortable. Solicitor held me and kissed my hair. I love the way he does that.

"I tried to call you but your phone was switched off."

"I turned it off."

Solicitor was silent for a while.

"How many times has he called?"

"I don't know. Too many."

"You have two options. You could go to the police. They'll make you fill out a form. They'll question you for hours and eventually tell you that he hasn't done anything wrong so they can't do anything..."

"Or?"

"Or you can let me deal with it."

I haven't switched my phone on yet. I haven't answered my office phone either. Gay Boss is pissed off with me.

I need to sort myself out. I don't know what option to take.

"Elise-Babe" ....He makes me cringe

I blocked Bradley's emails on Friday. I couldn't be bothered to deal with his behaviour. I didn't tell Solicitor about his last email. I didn't see the need to. As far as I was concerned Bradley was out of my life for good.

I was wrong.

Bimbo and I met up on Saturday for a shopping spree. We spent over an hour in Mother Care looking at baby clothes. Bimbo looks amazing. When people say pregnant women glow, they're not kidding. Her eyes have a peaceful sparkle. Her bump is starting show and she can't stop touching it.

As we were leaving the store I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Elise-Babe!"

Bradley was standing three feet away from us. He leaned over and kissed Bimbo on the cheek.

"Wow, you look amazing. Congratulations!"

Bimbo, being a naturally friendly person, giggled appreciatively and began asking him questions about his life. I stood by and tried to look as disinterested as possible. Inside I was fuming! My imagination started running wild.

Maybe he was purposely waiting around to see me. Oh my God! I'm being stalked! What does he want? Maybe he's wants the Cold Play CD back. He'd forgotten it at my place. Well he can have it back. I don't like Cold Play anyway.

"Elise-Babe?" He touched my shoulder. I flinched.

"What?"

"Can I take you fine ladies out for lunch?"

Before I could say anything Bimbo stepped in.

"Yeah! That would be great. I'm so hungry. Want to go to Prezzo?"

For fuck's sake! You'd think that she'd realise that having lunch with my ex boyfriend is the last thing I wanted.

"No!" I practically shouted. People walking past gave me a strange look. Bimbo looked hurt.

"You don't like Prezzo?"

"No, I don't want to go to lunch with him!" Bradley sighed and slowly shook his head.

"Elise-Babe I thought we'd left things in the past. I've apologised what more do you want?" He turned and looked disappointedly at Bimbo. "I'm just trying to be friendly."

What an asshole! My hands began shaking. I wanted to hit him. Bimbo, finally understanding my anger, linked her arm through mine and began leading my away. She smiled goodbye at Bradley. I didn't bother looking at him.

I should have told Solicitor when I got back home. But I didn't. I didn't want to spoil our weekend with talk about my ex boyfriend. We ordered pizza and planned to chill out in front of the television all night. We were comfortably watching Pulp Fiction on dvd when my phone started ringing.

Withheld number.

I diverted the call and continued watching the film. Five minutes later it rang again. Solicitor paused the dvd and looked at my ringing phone.

"Aren't you going to answer it?"

I answered the phone.

"Elise-Babe! Miss you already."

I hung up. Where the fuck did he get my number? It started ringing again. This time Solicitor answered it. I could hear Bradley talking.

"Hey, you must be Elise's friend. Can you tell her that it’s a shame she couldn't stay for lunch today. I'll meet her for dinner tomorrow though."

Solicitor was angry.

"She won't be there. Don't ever think about calling her again." He hung up.

I knew what was coming. I knew I should have told him.

"You saw him today?" He slammed the phone down on the table. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

Solicitor went on a rant. He paced up and down the room swearing and shouting. Angry at me for not keeping him in the loop. Angry at Bradley for having the nerve to call me. Angry that Bradley had managed to get my phone number.

He’s still pissed off with me. I think he's slightly suspicious too. I don’t blame him. I should have told him.

Bradley

I checked my mail last night and there were five new emails from Bradley:

You never emailed back. I'll see you at 8. You got my number call me if you're going to be late. Brad 11:00am

I'll meet you outside by the HSBC. Brad 6:12pm

I can't believe you didn't show up. Don't I mean anything to you? The least you could do was call! 9:02pm

Elise where are you? Call me 9:34pm

Look I really need to talk to you. What happened to us? You just stopped answering my calls one day. How do you think that made me feel. I need an explanation. You owe me that. 10:08pm

Needless to say I was a little freaked out. Not wanting a repeat of the fiasco the night before I showed Solicitor the emails. He was angry. Not with me, with Bradley.

"Do you have his number?"

"Its on a previous email."

Solicitor clicked on the first email Bradley sent me the night before and started dialling the number. I grabbed his arm in alarm.

"What are you doing?"

"Telling this piece of shit to go fuck himself."

I wrestled with Solicitor for the phone. He couldn't call Bradley! How embarrassing would that be? I started babbling in attempt to calm him down and stop him from making the call.

"Don't call him! I'll do it. Okay, I'll do it!"

I grabbed the phone out of Solicitor's hand and before I knew what I was doing I pressed the dial button. Bradley answered the phone on the second ring. I didn't know what to say so I stayed silent. Solicitor made a grab for the phone so I clumsily said hello.

I told Bradley that I was in a relationship and that I didn't want anything to do with him. I said it in the nicest possible way. Unfortunately Bradley has a talent for making a serious situation sound amusing.

"Elise-Babe. You sound angry! Forgotten how to take a joke?"

It pissed me off. He tried to brush everything off as a joke. I told him firmly not to contact me again and I hung up. Solicitor waited for me to say something.

"It's all sorted." I said brightly "He won't contact me again."

This morning I received another email:

Elise we had fun together didn't we? I screwed up and I'm sorry. We need to sort this out. You know you want to. Bradley

I guess it's not sorted...