Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Dinner, Cousin and the Mafia

We had dinner at Grandmama's house on Tuesday. Solicitor and my father suddenly turned into the Mafia. Honestly, it was so embarrassing.

Let me start from the beginning.

Grandmama invited my father, his new lady-friend, and Solicitor and I over for dinner. Grandmama is my mother's mother but for some odd reason she loves my father like he's her own son. She wanted to get to know Lady-Friend after I gave her an update over the phone after meeting her on Friday. Grandmama is a curious as I am. She was desperate to see her 'dear boy's new sweetheart'.

So it was supposed to just be the five of us. A quiet event, so we could all get to know each other. But things never work out the way they're planned.

Cousin called me during the day and told me that he and his sister were in London for the week. Cousin and his sister live in a village way up north. They're not really my cousins, they're Step-Father's niece and nephew.

Now, since I'm a stupid idiot who can't keep her mouth shut, I accidentally invited them both to Grandmama's. Grandmama didn't mind at all. She doesn't really know Step-Father's family too well and she was eager to meet them both properly.

Cousin (Girl), is the biggest Wag-Wannabe in the whole world. I've never seen anyone who looks so orange, blond and fake in all of my life. She doesn't say much, but I can sense bitchy thoughts.

Cousin (Boy), on the other hand, is extremely friendly. He calls and emails regularly and is always quick to invite me to all of his parties. To be honest, I've never gone to any of his parties. He lives too far away, and he can be very annoying at times.

So, while we were sitting at Grandmama's large dinner table, I noticed that Cousin (Girl) was giving Solicitor 'the look'. You know the look I'm talking about. She fluttered her fake eye lashes, pouted her orange lips. I almost smacked her in the face.

While I was busy focused on Cousin (Girl), I didn't notice how much Cousin (Boy) was drinking. Cousin (Boy) was sitting directly next to me talking a mile a minute. I wasn't listening and I occasionally nodded out of politeness.

I suddenly sprung up when I felt his hand sliding up my leg. I couldn't believe his nerve! Everybody stared at me as I stumbled to my feet.

"I need to make a quick call." I gasped hurrying out of the room.

Solicitor followed me.

"What the hell just happened?" He asked.

I told him. He looked ready to kill. (God he looks so sexy when he's angry!)

I obviously had to calm him down. We paced around the kitchen for couple of moments before rejoining everyone in the dining room. As we settled down, Solicitor flashed my father a look.

After the main course my father stood up casually and stretched.

"It's a nice night. Maybe we should leave the girls to gossip."

Solicitor followed suit, and the two of them coaxed Cousin (Boy) into going outside with them.

Alarm bells went off in my head. I really should have followed them, but I didn't. I settled down next to Lady-Friend and asked her what she did for a living.

While Lady-Friend, Grandmama and I sat back chatting, Cousin (Girl) sulked at the other end of the table and played with her hair extensions, swishing them around, fiddling with the ends. I did my best to include her in the conversation but she just shrugged and stared at the table with a frown. What the hell did she have up her ass?

"What's going on outside?" Cousin (Girl) suddenly asked staring out of the window.

We all stood up and walked to the window. Solicitor and my father had Cousin (Boy) kneeling on the floor in front of them. Cousin (Boy) was clearly drunk. He seemed to be pleading with them.

As funny as it looked I darted out of the room and jogged outside.

"What are you doing?" I asked in disbelief.

Father turned and smiled.

"You want to say something to my daughter?" He asked Cousin (Boy) in a fake friendly voice.

Cousin (Boy) looked at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Elise. I will never touch you again."

God, he looked pathetic.

"What did you do to him?" I asked Solicitor and my father angrily.

The both looked at me innocently.

Lady-Friend, Grandmama and Cousin (Girl) stepped outside of the house in question. My father shrugged.

"We're just talking." He said casually.

Solicitor grabbed Cousin (Boy) by the scruff of his shirt and hauled him to his feet.

"Yeah, we're just having a chat."

Both Cousin's left quite soon afterwards. I doubt Cousin (Boy) will call for a while. Poor Guy.


Cocaine Princess said...

This is getting delicious.

Orange hair, orange lips, cousin girl sounds like Ronald McDonald.


Malach the Merciless said...

Man, Solicitor was so mean to me, that is last time I go to Grandmamma house!

Kitty said...

Cousin (Boy) learned a lesson. He won't make that mistake again. x

Elise said...

Oh Malach! I'm sorry... If you give me a call I'll take a plane up north and we can talk about it!

Trée said...

Elise, your writing flows like a slow river, easy as dinner on the balcony, crystal filled with wine and eyes that see not beyond the smile on the other side. In other words, your gift with crafting sentences and paragraphs and dialogue is nothing less than divine, superb, sparkling brilliant as diamonds in a young girl's eyes. Glad to have you back. :-)

Elise said...

Wow! Is anyone else in love with Trée? xx

Michelle Hix said...

But I bet grandmama was entertained!

Bruce said...

Obviously, in some parts of the world....chivalry is not dead.