Monday, 16 March 2009


For the past few days I have practically camped by the window looking across the road at Number 26. So far I have nothing. She leaves for work at 7:30am and returns at 6:30pm. That's it! I can't believe it.

Solicitor went out to a Stag weekend on Friday. One of his old friends is about to tie the knot and organised a weekend in Liverpool. (I know! We live in London and the guy wants to go out in Liverpool??) So, I had the house to myself and I intended to make the most of it.

I started the night by cranking up the volume and playing some old favourites while I applied a homemade banana hair mask. I picked up my microphone (hair brush) and slid around the wooden floor in baby pink socks and matching underwear. (The curtains were closed. Nobody saw.)

I didn't hear the phone ringing, I was too involved with being Diana Ross, but when I went to change the track I saw the red flashing light on the answer machine. I wish I'd left it, there was a nice bottle of white wine cooling in the fridge and line up of Brad-Pitt-In-The-Nude films, but I couldn't resist listening.

It was Aimee. I groaned when I heard her voice.

"It's me. I know you're busy but I need you. Please, please come and get me. Please."

Her voice was thick with tears and she sounded so lost and panicked.

The message was left for Solicitor. She probably tried to call his mobile but had no luck.

The problem with Aimee is that she won't go away. It hurts knowing that Solicitor had a life and a wife before me. Aimee calls every so often and reminds me of it. I'm not jealous, I just have this ache. Regret is probably a better word.

A large part of me wanted to delete the message and continue with my night in. My earlier excitement came to a crashing halt, and instead of deleting the message I replayed it. Twice. And then I called her back.

She sounded terrified. It took me 15 minutes to wash my hair and head out of the door.
When I arrived she was so wide eyed and skitty. Paranoid would be the best way to describe how she was. Her eyes were dilated and I knew in seconds that she had taken something.

I cautiously walked into the hallway and through to the living room. There were clothes everywhere. Aimee had darted across the room and was staring out of the window.

"I know he was here." She whispered.

"Who?" I asked whispering back. There was nobody else there, I have no idea why I even bothered whispering.

"That man." She gasped.

Before I could find out more, she ran from the room and locked herself in the bathroom. It was like being with an over imaginative child. She wouldn't open the door despite my gentle voice, despite my pounding.

I finally stepped out onto the balcony and attempted to call Solicitor. His phone was switched off. I was on my own. I gave up smoking a long time ago, but at that point I really needed a cigarette. I dug around my handbag hoping I still had an emergency one. I wept with frustration when I found that I hadn't.

After ten minutes of pacing around the large living room, I called Stoner.

"I'm with Aimee and she locked herself in the bathroom. What should I do?"

Although Stoner was, well, stoned. He snapped to action.

"Check the whole place. Look for empty packets, white powder, anything you can find."

I immediately began rummaging around. I told him about her state of mind.

"It sounds like she's done a hell of a lot of coke. Probably mixed with something."

Sure enough, there was white powder on the kitchen counter and in her en suite bathroom. I found a bag of pills with smiley faces on them and a packet of some kind of hard brown rock (It wasn't hash, I still have no idea what it was). I flushed everything that I found.

Once I was sure that I'd taken care of everything, (I'd even flushed the OTC medication) I began pounding on the bathroom door where Aimee was still hiding. I completely lost my temper.

"You selfish fucking bitch! What the fuck do you think your playing at? Get out here right now or I'm kicking this door in."

She didn't reply. At first I thought she was unconscious but then I heard a faint sob. True to my word, I put all my force behind kicking the door. I managed to dent it, but it didn't budge. I was more angry than worried at that point, until I heard her puking.

I almost called 999. Almost. Then I remembered that I knew somebody who lives quiet near to Battersea, someone I could trust.

My father lives in Chelsea, just over the bridge. I hesitated before calling. He answered on the first ring.

"Elise? What's happened?"

I hardly ever call him unless I really need to. I almost regretted it as soon as I heard his voice. I gave him directs and told him that I needed him.

He arrived in 15 mins. I pointed to the bathroom door and told him that Aimee was inside high on drugs and she wouldn't open the door. He bolted into the door and it crashed open easily. How come it didn't work when I tried it?

Aimee was lying on the floor with vomit all over her. She clearly missed the toilet. She was just about conscious and was sobbing uncontrollably. It was disgusting.

We lifted her and dragged her to the shower cubical. My father left me to undress and shower her. I called him back in after I'd cleaned and dressed her in a bathrobe and he carried her to bed.

It was only after we'd put her to bed that I realised that there was another woman standing around in the living room. She was quite a pretty middle aged woman dressed in smart clothes. She smiled warmly.

"I'm so sorry." I said, blinking away tears. I'd ruined their night.

The woman shook her head and gave me a hug. "Don't be silly. It's a good thing you called. You needed someone here with you."

They stayed with me for a few hours, making sure that we wouldn't need to take Aimee to hospital. She slept like a baby. I stayed with her the whole night, just making sure she was okay. Part of my wanted to smack her on the face and let her know that I was angry.

I can't keep doing this. Aimee can't keep scaring me like this. I just want her to disappear.

Solicitor was furious when I told him about it the following day over the phone. I don't know what he's said to her but she called to apologise and to tell me that I don't have to worry, she won't be calling again.

I want to be relieved but now I'm going out of my mind with worry. What if she does it again and there's nobody there to help her?


Slyde said...

How many times has something like this happnened now? i know you've spoken about it before, but have there been even more times than that?

presious said...

The difficuty with people on drugs is that you can't really help them until "they" admit and accept that they have a problem. Until then, those who care about them will continue to run around in circles effort to save them from themselves. Obviously, something has happened, with a severe effect, in her life. The drugs seem to be an escape from that occurrence. Until she is "truly" ready to deal with ALL that stuff, she will do what she is doing. She has to hit what they call "Rock Bottom" before she realizes she has a huge problem. That would require everyone to back off from her and let her fall; that is fall, not die...a very fine line. Be careful. I'm sorry you have been going through this. It is extremely difficult.

Elise said...

She's done this too many times to count, Slyde. Does the amount of times even make a difference?

Juliana RW said...

Hi Elise,

thanks drop at my blog again ^__^. Have a nice day.

Hayley-Emsley said...

Hi Elise,

You are a bigger person than me, see i would have deleted the message and try and forget that she exists. If there is something i can't stand, that is people that take drugs, no matter how hard people have had it, it's still no excuse! I didn't have a great start in life and i don't take drugs. They waste people's time and lives, there are people out there seriously ill and people on drugs like that don't see!

Sorry about the rant, just feel sorry for you and all the worrying you will be doing right now!

Take care Elise, you are very kind!!

Hayley x

Getty72 said...

Hello Elise :))))) How are you? I hope you are well and having fun!!!!

Reading this post reminded me what an amazingly warm and caring heart you have. Even when you know you shouldn't, you still offer a helping hand. This was such a difficult and complicated event, but you handled it so well.

Warm wishes ~ Graham :)

Malach the Merciless said...

She was on a scary trip and probably has some mental health issue on top. If you lived around me, I would take over the case for you, I deal with this in my job.

Kitty said...

This is a tough one. I guess the bottom line is, if she calls you and you're not there, or unavailable ... then you're not there, and are unavailable. One of these days she will either have to get a grip and kick the substance abuse into touch, or else it'll be curtains for Aimee. :-( Sad but true. And NOT your responsibility. x

Cocaine Princess said...

My thoughts are the same as Getty72.

Elise I am happy to see you have posted again! Please keep it up.
I've missed you and your fabulous blog!


Elise said...

Malach, what do you do? I've never asked you that before.


Michelle Hix said...

Amy will self destruct no matter what you do for her unless she gets serious help. You can spend your life trying to pick up someone else's pieces. Just be careful not to let it take over your life.

Bruce said...

Dispite our best efforts, there are some folks that can't be helped and they have to be left to figure things out on their own, or die trying. We all can't be Mother Teresa. Often times, by helping them, we are enabling them to fail again.