Thou Shall Not Lie!

Grandmama faked a near death experience on Sunday.

Traditionally we always have a family dinner on Easter Sunday at Grandmama's house. This year most people cancelled. My mother and stepfather called on Friday and told her that they'd have to skip dinner due to a broken boiler. My father called to apologise and that he had planned a trip to New York to see a friend. My sister said that she'd already promised my brother-in-law's family that she would spend Sunday with them.

Grandmama was heartbroken!

She called me on Saturday to make sure I was coming.

"It looks like it’s going to be just us." She said it brightly but I could tell that she was upset. I tried to be positive.

"That suits me just fine Grandmama. You'll be able to have a proper chat with (Solicitor). I'm looking for your approval!"

"Oh Elise, you sound so happy! You already have my blessing child."

Early the next morning Grandmama's neighbour Penny called me.

"Elise? Um... it’s your Grandmother... She's... taken a fall.... She's hit her head."

I panicked. I couldn't help it. I started shaking. Poor Grandmama! She's normally so careful. I woke Solicitor up and we got ready in record time. I dialled my mother's number as we left the house.

No answer.

I called my sister.

Answer machine. I left a brief message explaining what happened.

I finally called my father. I always feel nervous calling him. For some odd reason I avoid doing it.

He answered after the first ring. I froze at the shock of somebody actually answering their phone.

"Hello?"

I took a deep breath.

"Elise?"

"Yes. It's me."

"What's happened?"

I cried. I told him what had happened in broken sentences.

"Mum's not answering her phone and I don't know what to do! What if she's hurt badly?"

"Calm down. I'll cancel my flight and I'm coming. Don't cry. She'll be okay. I promise. I'll try calling your mother again."

As Solicitor and I parked up in Grandmama's driveway Penny emerged from the house looking sheepish. I got out of the car and started firing questions. She looked uncertainly at the house.

"I'm sorry! She made me call. I told her not to."

I stared at her. What the hell was she talking about?

My father pulled up in the driveway moments later. He sprung out of the car slamming the door behind him. He awkwardly kissed my cheek and shook Solicitor's hand.

"You mothers on her way."

Penny looked even more worried.

"She made me! Honestly. You know how she is."

She looked back at the house. It suddenly all made sense. I stormed in to the house leaving my father and Solicitor in the driveway with Penny. I found Grandmama in the kitchen humming to herself over the stove.

"Grandmama!"

She looked up and smiled sweetly.

"Everyone will be here soon. Peel the potatoes Elise, we've got lots to do."

I was livid. I was so worried about her and here she was straining butter beans and happily rejoicing in her victory!

Moment later my father walked into the kitchen. Grandmama absently kissed him on the cheek.

"I cancelled my flight!"

"Oh that’s a shame. Must have been a misunderstanding. We may as well have a family day now."

My father ended up staying. It was too late to re-book a flight and Grandmama looked so upset at the prospect of him leaving that he couldn’t say no. My father has always had a soft spot for Grandmama. She always calls him "the son that she never had".

I called my mother and told her not to worry. I told her that they'd been a misunderstanding. I didn't want to tell her that Grandmama had set the whole thing up. She ended up coming anyway with my stepfather.

The six of us had a great time despite the early panic. Grandmama really put herself out with the food. My stepfather teased her and asked her what caterer she used.

Solicitor and my father seemed to get on like a house on fire. I felt slightly envious at the way they were so easy in each other's company. I always found it hard to speak to my father.

We left late in the evening. Grandmama hugged me at the door.

"I'm still angry with you Grandmama!"

"Elise my darling, there's nothing wrong in reminding people of what is important in life."

I laughed at her attempt to justify her scam.

"Grandmama the Bible clearly states 'Thou shalt not lie'!"

"No dear it's 'Thou shlt not bear false witness against thy neighbour'."

"It's the same thing Grandmama!"