Monday, 10 March 2008

Giving Up

Friday evening started off glum.

I left work early to see the lawyer covering the Bradley case. I wasn't really in the mood to spend time with a twitchy power-mad woman but I went along with it. I'm tired of the case. I'm tired of her asking me the same questions over and over again. She has my written statement and I've relayed the details verbally at least a hundred times. What the hell is wrong with her?

After an hour of so of listening to her drone on about how important it is to be specific about everything I was ready to kill myself. I was pissed off.

Solicitor and I drove home in silence. We entered the house in silence. I made tea and we sat staring into space in silence.

"You're giving up."

I never thought about it like that before but once Solicitor said the words I knew they were true. I am giving up. I don't see the point anymore. Bradley is probably scared shitless at the sudden legal involvement and I doubt he'd ever try anything like that again with anyone. I'm exhausted with the constant intimate questions. It's a book I'd rather close and throw away.

"I'm tired. I'm so bloody tired. I have enough drama's to deal with on an everyday basis I'd rather not do this."

I didn't expect the lump to appear in my throat but it did. Angry tears ran down my cheeks. I got up and walked to the bedroom and shut the door.

Its not as simple as people think. Had I been mugged people would have been more sympathetic. For the entire duration of the case, since I first told the police about it, everybody, even my own lawyer has treated me with suspicion. For some reason rape victims are lying until proven otherwise. At least that’s how I felt. The fact that it was only "attempted" makes it so much harder, even with solid evidence.

Solicitor knocked on the door before walking into the bedroom. He sat down next to me on the bed and gently held my hand.

"You don't have to do this. Whatever you decide, I'm with you."

I love the way he kisses my fingers. He kisses them near the tip taking each finger individually. Sometimes it really turns me on. It sends a shiver up my arm and through my body. Sometimes, like it did at that moment, it just makes me feel warm inside.

"So what are the other drama's then?" He smiled.

I flopped down on the bed. A moment later he did the same.

"Well, where do I start? CEO is having secret meetings at this cafe. The only reason I know is because I tracked his credit card transactions. I have a sneaky suspicion that..."

We lay there on the bed for hours while I talked about the drama at work. Solicitor is always shocked by everything I have to say about work. Although he lectures me about getting too involved I can tell he loves it.


Grilled Pizza said...

Oh you are such a tease!
GP x

Pixie said...

I think I have lost the will to live today as well ....go with the flow Elise x

hayley-emsley said...

Oh Elise, i hope you find the strength to carry it through to the end, no matter how hard it is, you are lucky to have the support from the lovely Solicitor!!

Hope you are ok!

Hayley x

sweets said...

your gut is never wrong, go with it...!

astrogalaxy said...

Do whatever you feel is right to do!

The Chronicles of a Fashionista in PDX said...

I'd fire my lawyer if he/she seemed like she didn't believe me.

Don't give up... Stay strong! Stick to your guns!


Hazel said...

hi, first time here..

Slyde said...

ive gotta agree with the masses here.

Stick with it, really. It's important.

Poetikat said...

I bow in reverence to the Cliff-hanger Queen!
I cannot hope to compare.

jeff said...

You're right about having alot of drama. He just loves hearing about it because loves to listen to you I bet.

B.E. Earl said...

I don't know how it is that folks would have been more sympathetic had it just been a mugging.

Just because you know this piece of shit shouldn't mean that he gets a free pass.

Must be very frustrating for you. Hang tough.

taxitalk said...

if you let him go he'd do it again. the ceo is having an affair or is selling the company to a ....

Malach the Merciless said...

It will work out, it always does. Thoughts are with you.

Anonymous said...

Aw honey I'm sorry you're feeling like that!! Just figure out what would make you happiest, stopping now or carrying it through. Whatever you decide is ok!!

Can't wait to find out what exactly you're suspecting, and what you found out form looking at CEO's credit card transactions!

KaB said...

Even guys dig some gos sometimes! You're lucky you have him to listen to you!

As for CEO...haiwenna...squeeze the juice...we're also listening!

Bridget said...

Yup, gut feeling. Whatever you do, don't regret it later though.

On the a lighter note: Think Solicitor might have a finger fetish? There was this Arab terrorist whose MO was to suck people thumbs until they bled. Ok Ok, he was fictional. Hee hee hee ;-)

Chin up.

Kitty said...

I am in a situation at the moment which involves dealing with a solicitor. He plays devil's advocate - I didn't 'get' it at first, but I do now. He's just testing me - maybe your woman is doing the same?

Keep strong. x

Cocaine Princess said...

Be strong and hang in there girl!!!

Cocaine Princess

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

Solicitor sounds so sweet. And your week has been rough. :(

Michelle Hix said...

It's okay to give your mind a break from these things for a while. Hang in there.

Linda and her Surroundings said...

You are brave to follow it through. A policeman friend of mine told me that he would advise any female friend against following a sexual assault as they are treated so poorly. (even these days) Well done.