Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Sticky Pink Stuff and Squelching Shoes

My car broke down this morning.

I'm not a snob. I take public transport all the time. I would be lost without the tubes and buses. How would I get to clubs and bars without them?

However, it's been years since I took public transport during rush hour. Buses and trains crowded with swearing school children. Swarms of people walking at 80 miles an hour with the Metro Newspaper folded under one arm and a Costa Coffee cup in their other hand.

British people are so miserable!

Nobody smiles at anyone. They keep they're eyes averted and stare into space until they reach their stop. Nobody talks to anyone. Apart from the occasional pissed off "tut" nobody utters a word.

It brings back memories. I remember now why I was thrilled when I passed my driving test and bought myself a car. I remember why I'd rather pay the Congestion Charge and drive to work, even if it means that I have to sit in traffic for an extra half an hour.

When I finally arrived at my stop I walked out into a puddle. Stupid, uneven pavement! My stylish compact umbrella was no match for the heavy rain. How the hell could somebody design an umbrella that doesn't shield you from the rain?! Isn't that the whole point?

By the time I arrived to work I was miserable, snappy and drenched from head to toe.

As I squelched up the stairs to my office I preparing myself for a bad day my phone began ringing. Aimee??


"Hi Elise."

"Um... how are you?"

"Good. You?"

"Yeah I'm great."

I stood outside my office door digging into my bag for my key. Shit, where did I put it? Eww whats that sticky stuff? Oh shit! My lipstick. Where's the lid?

I tried hard to concentrate on what she was saying.

"Uh huh.... uh huh...."

"... so I was thinking maybe Earls Court? There's this restaurant that I love. Seven o'clock Friday okay?"

"Uh huh... Great."

Wait. What?

"You'll love him! Honestly he's dying to meet you guys. I'll speak to you soon and tell you everything okay?"

Wait. What? Yuck! There's all pink stuff on my keys.

"Love you lots Elise. Bye honey!"

Okay. I think, I'm not entirely sure, but I think that I've agreed to dinner with Aimee and whoever "he" may be.

Solicitor is going to kill me! The last time we saw Aimee he specifically told her (and me) that she shouldn't contact either of us and that he wanted her completely out of our lives.

It's not a problem I'll just call her back and...

Oh Shit! Phone.

"Hey babe. You okay?"

"Did you speak to Aimee?"

"Yeah she just called. Something about Earls Court."

"Elise, we are not meeting up with her."

"Yeah I know I was just going to cancel.."

"So tell me, how long have you and my ex wife been talking?"

"We're not... I haven't.."

"Fuck it. We'll talk about this later."

Solicitor can be such an idiot sometimes. I actually felt like I did something wrong. She called me! I didn't call her. I didn't even know what I agreed to.

If the stupid keys weren't at the bottom of my bag... You know something, I knew I shouldn't have taken the lipstick with me... Blood wet shoes... Stupid train...It's the stupid cars fault. It had to break down didn't it....

Okay. It's okay. It's not that bad. There are starving people in the world.

Oh great. My printer's not working.


Polgara said...

Ah one of those days.... we had a tiff over a TV ad for holidays in Cyprus the other night!
It'll blow over!
Glad to have you back again
Pol x

hayley-emsley said...

I think it is slightly strange that his ex wife wants you both to meet her and "he" for dinner. Maybe she wants to make Solicitor jealous???

I wouldn't do it, it's going to end up causing more hassle than it's worth. Solicitor is obviously not comfortable with it either...not worth it.

Go for a meal of your own, just you two! FAB!

B.E. Earl said...

Umbrellas always seem to fail me when I need them most. Someone needs to invent a personal force-field already...Sheesh. It's 2008 already!!!!

Trée said...

Elise, I could read you all day long. Your posts remind me of days spend reading on the lake, in a small boat, sun shinning bright, water lapping lullabies and a well-worn summer novel in my tanned hands. You wear easy as old favorite jeans. :-)

Juliana RW said...

Hi Elise,

It is nice to see you around my blog again ^__^.

jeff said...

Haha, one of those bad days you can look back at and laugh

Bharat said...

kill ex-wife... solve problem... two cents :)

Slyde said...

you think the people where YOU live are rude?

try taking the subway downtown into New York City during rush hour...! those guys will bite your head off!

Malach the Merciless said...

Where are my teleporters? I want to teleport everywhere!

Daisy said...

read all the posts I'd missed. life looks interesting as usual. :)

gay boss will be missed but things will turn out all right. and agree with hayley-emsley about the whole thing making too much trouble!

roentarre said...

Great to see you back, Elise. You are so right about the potential danger in the railway system and people are getting too rough these days

Kitty said...

One of those days, eh? I'm sure things will improve. Take care. x

astrogalaxy said...

After the bad days...comes the GOOD days!!!

Pixie said...

Elise I have been away for 12 weeks and you are still getting yourself in a pickle. Well done!!! I would be devasted about the lippa - hope it wasn't Chanel x

Cocaine Princess said...

Elise sweetie,
where have you been? I've missed you!

You wrote British people are miserable. I bet you didn't know I'm half British, I was born in England my dear.

Cocaine Princess

Michelle Hix said...

Neither you or Solicitor need Aimee...but she needs you guys for some reason. She wants to make Solicitor jealous (I agree with Hayley). Sounds too high maintenance to me. Send her a Christmas card in December and call it good!

angel said...

ooh don't you just hate how the rain mucks everything up!!?!

Will said...

Murphy's Law!
Elise, you're just super.

(I haven't read your blog in a long time..[well, I've been peeking, but not commenting!]..)

Keep smiling.
I've been riding Public Transport lately, myself. There's a lot more on the bus (friggin' High Gas prices have given a boost to service & ridership!)


tina said...

isn't it a little creepy how cheery your husband's ex-wife sounded on the phone? was she like that the first time she talked to you?

Linda and her Surroundings said...

I would NEVER want to chat to my husband's ex girlfriend - have coffee with her or anything else. But he still does - after 21 years!!! Which is fine by me - she has such a messy life that I love hearing the gossip later on.