Yesterday I received a letter from New Guy.
Last week I had a bad case of a cold. The type that hits you gradually. It starts with feeling cold. The type of cold where you have to continuously rub you hands together and curl up in a tight ball to stay warm. You feel like you have a razor blade lodged in your throat. You can't focus on anything. Even the simple task of going to the bathroom seems like an impossible mission. You're head feels sore and heavy...
Obviously I couldn't drive to work like that. I'd be a hazard. So I took time off.
When I arrived on Monday morning New Guy happily handed me an official letter. Disciplinary Action in accordance with Statutory Disciplinary Procedures...
I had to read it again. I apparently failed to provide a "reasonable explanation for my absence". Now I'm no expert on the matter, but I'm pretty sure that having a cold is a fucking reasonable explanation for absence.
I went for a walk to clear my head. And to calm down. I didn't want to get arrested for assault.
I pulled out my phone and text Gay Boss. (I should really change his name but I can't be bothered)
He called me.
"So... um... how's it going?"
Gay Boss paused. A wave of hysteria took over and I started laughing. I laughed until I cried.
I hadn't spoken to Gay Boss since he left. I missed him terribly. His dry remarks always used to crack me up. He could make me laugh in almost any situation.
"I've got a disciplinary"
"Oh its your turn now."
I loved the way it sounded so casual. Suddenly the situation didn't seem so bad. We spoke for almost an hour. I told him that New Guy is a sexist prick. He told me that he's been to China.
Of course, the conversation quickly turned back to my Disciplinary. Gay Boss is well aware, from experience, of the steps that will follow. I'm about to be managed out.
"You know, its only when you step back and leave that you realise how fucked up that company really is."
"I can see how fucked up it is. God, I need a holiday."
"Well its been a few months and I still haven't recovered. I'm nearly normal but not quite there yet."
It's my turn now. I have a target circle tattooed on me.
I'm not worried about the Disciplinary Action. I haven't done anything wrong. It's the drama that will follow the meeting that concerns me. I've seen how the game is played here. Lucky for me I think I've been dealt a good hand.
Now all I need to do is put on my Poker Face.