Friday, 23 May 2008

Secret Meeting

The "sexist" situation at work has created a war.

There are two sides .

Side 1:
New Guy
Scruffy Artist
Part Time Guy (Creative Team. He's the gofer.)
Weirdo (Admin. He's the guy that told me and Bimbo about the Elite Orgy groups.)
4eyes (Accounts. Seriously easy to manipulate.)

Side 2:
Preppy (Accounts. Feminist.)
Irish (Admin. Chatty woman. Can't live without her mobile phone.)
IT Guy (IT Tech. Dry humour.)

For the first time in years Bimbo and Preppy are on the same side. Preppy always used to patronise Bimbo. She didn't really approve of Bimbo's sweet, slightly dim, personality. She now has a new found respect for her.

Side2 have claimed various locations to hold bitching session. Mainly the disabled toilets by Accounts. There's enough space in there for a mini party.

Yesterday afternoon Preppy text us and called a meeting. I was the first to arrive. I sprinted down the corridor. I may have been excited at the thought of an undercover meeting. It was like an MI5 secret calling! Or, it may have been the espresso...

I burst through the door. Preppy was perched on the toilet seat as if it were a throne. Head held high. Notebook resting on her lap. I pushed up onto the ledge by the sink. Damn! Should have checked it was dry.

Bimbo, Irish and Stoner arrived together. Bimbo hobbled in gripping onto Stoner's arm. Honestly, I've told her time and time again not to wear heels in her condition. I'm no expert on pregnancy but I'm sure its difficult to balance even without the heels. Preppy had to stand up and offer Bimbo the toilet seat. She was upset about losing her throne. I could tell.

IT Guy arrived last. He looked around with amusement. Preppy began madly gesturing at him.

"Lock the door!" she mouthed.

IT Guy sighed and flicked the lock. He leaned against the door and folded his arms.

"What's this all about?"

Preppy looked like she was going to burst.


I snorted. Stoner caught my eye and bit back a smile.

"You may think that I'm being over cautious," she whispered "but we have to keep quiet!"

She flicked open her notebook and pulled out some photocopied pages. She passed them around in an official manor. It looked like a page from a legal book. As I glanced at the sheet I noticed that a few lines had been underlined with a red Biro.

"I've done some research and I think that we can approach the situation in a legal manor."

Whispering was taking its toll on Preppy's voice. It began to sound raspy. IT Guy smiled.

"Can you say that again?"

Preppy repeated herself in a loud whisper. She began coughing halfway through the sentence.

"Seriously, I didn't get that."

Irish poked IT Guy. Preppy looked so angry.

"Why don't we just email?" Bimbo asked

Preppy looked at her scornfully.

"Because this is a very important situation. We can't run the risk."

"But we don't have to use work accounts we can use personal ones right?"

I swear I saw I vein throbbing by Preppy's temple. She really needs to calm down. She'll end up bursting a blood vessel if she's not careful.

"It's not a bad idea." I voiced up.

We were all standing around in the toilets whispering! We must look so ridiculous. It's pretty hard to have a secret meeting when half the staff were missing. Someone was bound to notice and no amount of whispering would help us.

"You can scan the documents through and we could do our own research an come up with a plan."

Preppy turned on me.

"In case you've forgotten, everything that you look up on the Internet can be monitored."

IT Guy coughed.

"Excuse me, but in case you've forgotten, I do the IT around here. If anyone wants to trace things back they have to call me to do it."

"Do not talk to me like I'm stupid!"

I guess whispering went out the window. Preppy and IT Guy were heading for a full on argument.

Bimbo suddenly stood up.

"Look. This is stupid! We'll all use our personal email accounts and copy everyone in on everything, okay. (Preppy), your research in a step in the right direction. We'll all look at it and decide what to do. In case I'm mistaken, lawyers cost. If we can use research and sort it out without getting legal the better it will be for all of us. I'm hungry! I don't want to sit around in the toilets. I want some Hula Hoops." Bimbo began crying with frustration. "I had to walk up all those stairs. My peppermint tea is cold. My feet are hurting and I just want to sit down and relax. Is that too much to ask for? Is it?"

I slid off the ledge. My butt was wet. I put my arm around Bimbo and walked her out of the toilets. We accidentally left our photocopied sheets in the toilets.

Preppy hasn't emailed yet. I think she's a little sore.

I must admit this is fun!


Polgara said...

Your life is never boring is it Elise
Dont we get any gossip on Solicitor now he's a permanent fixture??
Pol x

KaB said...

Your office time is well spent I see!

CEO must be really happy with the work you lot do...when you're not secretly congregating in disable toilets etc!

*sigh* I apologise for the bitchy comment...I am most jealous...seriously!

Kitty said...

A little workplace espionage should keep you amused for a while! x

Juliana RW said...

Hi Elise, How are you?? ^__^

Anonymous said...

If you're concerned about sexism in the office, why are you calling Bimbo Bimbo?!

Apart from that, love the blog,


i am the diva said...

Oh yeah, i had the Mission Impossible Theme song running through my head through this entire post!! you lead the most exciting office life i've ever read.

Bharat said...

errr... what was the document about?! or did you not get time to read it?

IT guy is funny :)

Slyde said...

i've pulled alot of crap at my job, but ive yet to have a clandestine bathroom meeting...

you, maam, have trumped me...

Malach the Merciless said...

This would be a YouTube star, get to it.

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Meetings in the toilet - all those germs.... It would have made a great photo. Oh how I do miss some parts of corporate life. All that office bitchiness..

Chickie said...

I'm dying laughing at the mental image of you all filing into the bathroom like a row of ants!

Cocaine Princess said...

I want hula hoops!

The drama that goes on in your office....
I can't wait until I read how the rest of the week goes!

So glad you're back sweetheart, I've missed you too!

Cocaine Princess

sweets said...

LOL MI5 secret meeting in disabled toilet... very classy hehe you are so funny :)

Shemley said...

I love your life, it will be interesting to be there in person I feel sometimes

Poetikat said...

Nothing like a little clandestine confab to get the ol' juices flowing, eh Elise?

How did you dry off?


hayley-emsley said...

Ohhhhh a new secret adventure!! I can't wait!!

lotus07 said...

this all sounds remanicent of high school and planting cherry bombs in the school lunch room.

i am the diva said...

Hey! i've given you an award over on my site. Come check it out.

Daszzle said...

Ah, how I've missed this lovely blog... and of course the drama that comes with it.

Hope all is well chica!

jeff said...

I dont know where you work but it sounds like an awesome job seriously. You always have things going on there.

Bharat said...

Elise... thou hast been tagged! by me no less..

My blog, now, for details... and don't neglect the real post :)

Michelle Hix said...

Hi Elise
Just popping over to get caught up...I think I'm back from the dead anyway...

Getty72 said...

LOLOLOLOL!!!! It sounds like you guys would be so much fun at a Murder Mystery dinner party!!! If ever I hold another one, you'll be at the top of my list of invitees!!!!

angel said...

secret meetings and whispering in corners... you're right, email is easier!