Thursday, 9 April 2009

Easter/ Family Weekend

As Easter weekend approaches, family woes kick in.

Solicitor and I are on speaking terms. Last night I cooked him a nice meal and apologised as soon as he walked through the door. He didn't say much, he just nodded. Things aren't right yet, but they will be. I will speak to him properly tonight and tell him what happened and why.

We decided to spend Easter weekend separately. Mother and Stepfather invited me and Sister to their home. It's the first time in years that we'd be there at the same time.

It takes me back to the days when I was in my late teens and Sister was planning her wedding. Mother, Sister and I picked out hundreds of pictures of dresses, cakes, flowers etc and presented them to Stepfather along with price tags. His hair practically fell out during that weekend!

Solicitor planned to spend the weekend with his very large and loud family. His mother was of course upset that her "new daughter in law" wasn't coming. I love that about his family. They welcomed me into their arms with no questions. When I pointed out that Solicitor and I are not married or even engaged, his mother laughed and said "You don't need a piece of paper or a ring to prove that you are man and wife, I can see it in your hearts."

This morning, Mother called.

"Hi Elise, I've got some news."

"What news?"

Please don't say something sick like your pregnant.... That would be awful!

"Well you remember my cousin Tommy, don't you?"


"Well Tommy's daughter Marlene is getting married and we're invited to the engagement party."

"Okay. Should I bring a formal dress with me?"


"Darling, you haven't been invited."


"Oh okay. What day is it?"

"It's a weekend thing... In Scotland."

"You and Stepfather going to Scotland?"


"I'm sorry darling, I know you and your sister were looking forward to this weekend."

"It's fine."


"Honestly, Mother it's fine. Have a good time."

When I hung up I felt like crying. It sounds so stupid, but I felt so angry at her. Angry because I miss her. Ever since I was young I was always craving her attention. She left me to live with Grandmama when I was 13 and moved out of the city with Stepfather. I spent all of my weekends with them but it wasn't the same.

For a few moments I sat on the sofa cradling the phone in my hands. I could spend the weekend with Solicitor I suppose. Or I could call Sister and we could do something together.

I called Father.

"What's wrong?" He answered.

I've only ever called him during emergencies.

"Nothing. I just felt like talking."

He paused.


"What are you doing this weekend?"

"You're mother cancelled on you."


I felt a giant lump in my throat.

"Do you fancy spending some time with me? Lady-Friend wants to get to know you better."

"I don't want to impose."

"Elise, I wanted you to be with me this weekend. You're mother got there first."


"Yes. Why don't you come by tomorrow night and we can have dinner and talk. Just the two of us."

"What about Lady-Friend?"

"I'll ask her to wait until Saturday. I need some alone time with you."

"Thanks. Dad...?"


"I love you."


Trée said...

Sigh. Your writing of late and of the family reaches deep into my soul, my past, my own mother, father, sister, etc. Small world it seems, this emotional landscape we travel. I do so enjoy your writing, the skill and insight and the willingness to open yourself and share, to be vulnerable and courageous at the same time. Enjoy your time with your father. I would have given anything to have had a conversation like that with mine.

Elise said...

To be honest Trée, conversations like that are few and far between. That's why I wrote about it. xx

Slyde said...

sounds like your story could have a bit of a happy ending if you reconnect with your dad...

presious said...

Wow Elise,

That one was bitter sweet. I'm am so glad you apologized to Solicitor. I'm sure your talking to him will help as well. Consider how much you "want" to trust him, then decide how much or what you want to reveal about your past....just a suggestion. It's all about your own comfort zone.

I am truly sorry about your relationship with your mom. No one can ever replace your mom. You have an awesome dad. He is doing his best to understand. It sounds like your mom doesn't realize the effects of her absence with you.

My dad left us when I was two years old. My mom was a bad girl and wouldn't settle down. Though he was madly in love with her, he was heart-broken and decided to go back to him home town. I was 2 years old, but I remember it very clearly.

At age 23, I pursued my dad with great success. He was in bad health with a total heart transplant. He was suppose to live only 3 years max, but lived 7 years. I was able to get many questions answered and a huge apology. He told me, with tears in his eyes, that he was still in love with my mom. She was never able to appreciate that. Best 7 years of my life. In fact, she disowned me for 7 days for contacting him.

To this very day, I have abandonment issues. I am a very friendly person. I won't let a man get close to me for fear of leaving me. Yes, I've been to therapy, but it is what it is. I've accepted it.

It's as though my little girl within, age 2, has never really gotten over his absence. Yes, I was a daddy's girl.

Maybe you can consider talking with your mom, perhaps writing a letter to her. It's never too late. Then again, you may be ok with where you are at. Sometimes it is not a good idea to open a door that has been already shut.

Enjoy your father, he sounds like a good man.

Malach the Merciless said...

I am glad you have some company, saves me tiring out my arms flying to England.

Cocaine Princess said...

"You don't need a piece of paper or a ring to prove that you are man and wife, I can see it in your hearts."

What a lovely thing to say!
I'm happy to hear you and solictor are talking. Nothing but the best for you two. Did you recieve your text kiss?

Kitty said...

Your dad sounds fabulous - I hope you have a wonderful time with him (and his lady friend when she gets there).

Mothers ... when they disappoint you, they do it with knobs on, don't they?


Bina said...

That's sad, and yet ended so very sweet!

things like that are why I have always wanted a dad.