Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Great Aunt Celine

Grandmama's sister, Great Aunt Celine, is staying with Grandmama until the new year.

Like Grandmama, Great Aunt Celine has an air of sophistication. She's beautiful and holds herself with grace and elegance.

That is where the similarity ends.

Grandmama is a homely woman. She's embraced family life, knows how to bake, knit and other grandmother-like things. Great Aunt Celine is slightly eccentric.

She was married. Several times.

Husband Number 1 was quite a few years older than she was. He was a soldier in WWII. His family at the time were based in a northern village in France, his wife and baby daughter. It's not quite clear what happened to his family, all I know is that he lost them in 1944.

For five years he lived alone in Paris, until Great Aunt Celine stumbled into his life.

The poor man was trying desperately to read his newspaper quietly in a cafe. Celine spotted the serious looking man in the corner and thought it would be fun to blow smoke at him to see how angry she could make him.

Apparently he "loved her" that very night... (ew!) and they got married a month later.

He was a wonderful husband, and would have probably made a good father, but Great Aunt Celine got bored with him quite soon after he slipped the ring on her finger, and she decided to keep a lover on the side.

Husband Number 2 was that lover. He was nearer to Celine's age and she felt more comfortable with him on a "social level". Husband Number 1 knew about Celine's lover, but chose to turn a blind eye to the situation. Celine preferred it that way and enjoyed the sneaking about.

Obviously Husband Number 1 got a little cheesed off with the situation and eventually divorced Celine, leaving her free to marry her lover.

Husband Number 2 was a fun husband. They went dancing together. They liked to smoke on the balcony and talk about poetry and the theatre. They were happy for over four years.

Until he found himself a mistress.

Husband Number 2 was an honorable man and told Celine that he intended to take a mistress before her actually did. He swore to Celine that they would always remain husband and wife and that nobody would ever take her place in his heart.

Celine played the dutiful wife and gracefully accepted his mistress. Husband Number 2 had fun with Claudette, and Celine transferred their savings to a personal account and moved out.

Husband Number 2 understood and gave her an easy divorce.

Husband Number 3 came a few years later. He was Celine's real love. They met through a mutual friend and became quick friends. Their friendship developed into love and they eventually swore to be with each other always.

They bought a beautiful home and decorated it themselves. It took them two months to paint the living room. Husband Number 3 painted a mural of a tree on one wall and he was adamant on getting the shade of each leaf perfect.

He left her the home they built together. There was nobody else. He left everything to her in his Will.

Not surprisingly, Great Aunt Celine has alot of stories to tell and advise to give.

"Elise, how is your sex life?" she asked me last night, in a serious tone.

What was I supposed to say? "Yes, my sex life is amazing. My orgasms are as strong as ever."

"Because, Cherie, you have only to ask and I will be happy to advise you."

No thanks! The last thing I need is my great aunt giving me that kind of advise.

She smiled wistfully "My second husband was very good with his mouth-"

"Stop! Oh my God! Stop!"


Malach the Merciless said...

HAHAHAHAHA! So, how is the rest of your life?

Sarah said...


Sarah said...

I noticed you don't have the follow widget. Is it done on purpose?

presious said...

Wow! She's interesting, hmmmm... I think some of us have one of those in the family LOL! In fact, I have a couple of them! I live 9 hours away when traveling by car! LOL!

LOve 'em to death, but no thanks :).

Linda and her Twaddle said...

Family do not do those sexual things. Never, ever. Or at least I NEVER want to know about it.

Bruce said...

Yup...there is something about our elders giving us advice about the bedroom that just is not right. (welcome back)

Passion Fruit said...

I do know it really gives you the creeps to discuss sexual details with family members, especially the older ones. But maybe she really does have good advice - why not to try and overcome yourself once and find out what she has to say. If it's too bad, you don't have to do it again.

Cocaine Princess said...

I wouldn't want, need or even ask anybody let alone a family member advice when it comes to the "bedroom."

Good to have you back Elise.

Polgara said...

So good to have you back :0)
Not been around too much lately myself for similar reasons.
Really glad you are still around and ok
Pol x

Slyde said...

the day my aunt and i begin to have a serious discussion about oral sex is the day my head explodes...

angel said...

LOL... Your great aunt certainly sounds like a character. Her story'd make a good book!

Getty72 said...

Hey Elise, just popping by to send you an enormous hello and lots of warm wishes. Hope you are okay? tc ~ Graham :o)

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Polgara said...

You ok hun?

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