Monday, 8 December 2008

Jumping

I'm finding it hard to write.

When you've got nothing to do all day there's very little you can report on. I'm used to spending my days doing something productive. Actually, thinking about it, I'm not used to doing nothing.

Unemployment is a very strange place to live in. It's very lonely and quiet until it hits 5:30 when most of the people I know finish work. I spend my mornings applying to jobs, most of which I have decided to not exist. I get a call from a recruitment agency every so often. They take down my details and insist they have a few positions available. they then ask me how long I've been in sales. I tell them that I've never sold anything in my life and if they'd bothered to actually read my CV they'd know that.

My afternoons are either spent watching a stream of dvds with a ton of chocolate or they're spent at Bimbo's. I love spending time with Bimbo but I feel so demotivated every time I see her. According to Bimbo I shouldn't feel the need to work. Work is a man's job, and since Solicitor has more than enough money to support us both, I should start thinking about the future.

You know Solicitor and I have thought about getting married and having children, but there is so much more that I want to achieve in life. True, I don't actually have solid goals written down that I'm crossing off as I achieve them, but I still think there's so much more for me to do first.

Solicitor's brother called me yesterday and asked me how my business plan was coming along. I told him the truth. On paper it looks great but I'm terrified of taking the plunge.

"You've got nothing to lose now, Elise. Take the plunge."

I couldn't sleep last night. I feel like I'm on the edge of a diving board. I have to jump.

16 comments:

Michelle Hix said...

It may be now or never. You have the momentum now...go for it.

Cocaine Princess said...

At least you're keeping busy with Bimbo.

Don't worry Elise, these things always have a way of working out for the best. It'll be in your favor.

XOXO,
CP

Bruce said...

We spend so much time in hell because we know the names of the streets.

Change is always intimidating, but once you take the plunge you will curse yourself for having waited so long.

Don't get sedintary. Get married or take the plunge, the worst thing you can do is nothing.

Slyde said...

jump, woman!

take the chance...

Malach the Merciless said...

Hey, Unemployment, welfare, and such, don't knock until your try it.

angel said...

i agree with solicitor's brother!

roentarre said...

It seems to happen all the time. Insecure and confused. I hope you find the direction and sure things will turn out fine

Poetikat and the Hyggecats said...

Hope you are well, Elise. Have a merry Christmas!

Kat

dh stern said...

thrilled to have rediscovered your blog!

taxitalk said...

Tough times, Customer Service is Key

Hayley-Emsley said...

Take the plunge Elise, in fact it will be more like a leap of faith! You have nothing to lose and more to gain! Go for it!

Then you can write about all the weirdos you interview for the jobs you have on offer, not the other way round! LIVE and enjoy the chance you have!

Loads of other people would kill to be in your position, i can't even think to have maternity leave (if i get pregnant) as i would only bring home £400 a month! There is no way i can afford to do that. You are so lucky, you go girl and be who you want to be. Good luck!!

Polgara said...

Happy New Year, hope things are ok.
Feel free to drop me an e-mail if you are bored, im at home with baby now :0)
Pol x

angel said...

well didja?!?!

Ruby said...

hey! where have you been lady?

Globus said...

You should be writing more. Now really. There's no excuse.

presious said...

Elise,

I kinda fell your pain. I've been through a little bit and it has caused me to freeze a bit as well. However, I have a little more at stake than you, four young adult kids.

When I was terminated back in Aug of 2007, I was absolutely devastated. Two weeks prior to that, all my cars went down in 5 days, 1990 E150, 1996 Jetta and a 1977 very small motorhome. Following my termination, I was unable to pay the mortg for 8 months.

At that time, I had become so very discouraged and lost. Prior to moving here, I lived in san diego where I did child care in my home for 17 years, from which I also burned out. Well, when times are rough, you do what you gotta do, so I returned to child care in the home that I am in now (the home I almost lost after loosing my job).

I am doing fairly well, probably better than most, not rich, but "ok". This is not what I want to do. I have a masters degree as a therapist. I've gone through so many emotions to the point I thought I was loosing my mind.

At this point, it's been a year doing child care again and I'm still afraid to make any changes even though I am not happy doing child care. I'm older now and the odds just don't seem that great especially with the economy such as it is.

I encourage you to find something you REALLY, REALLY enjoy and see what you can do with it. If it is what you truly like doing, it makes it easier to do it.