Jumping

I'm finding it hard to write.

When you've got nothing to do all day there's very little you can report on. I'm used to spending my days doing something productive. Actually, thinking about it, I'm not used to doing nothing.

Unemployment is a very strange place to live in. It's very lonely and quiet until it hits 5:30 when most of the people I know finish work. I spend my mornings applying to jobs, most of which I have decided to not exist. I get a call from a recruitment agency every so often. They take down my details and insist they have a few positions available. they then ask me how long I've been in sales. I tell them that I've never sold anything in my life and if they'd bothered to actually read my CV they'd know that.

My afternoons are either spent watching a stream of dvds with a ton of chocolate or they're spent at Bimbo's. I love spending time with Bimbo but I feel so demotivated every time I see her. According to Bimbo I shouldn't feel the need to work. Work is a man's job, and since Solicitor has more than enough money to support us both, I should start thinking about the future.

You know Solicitor and I have thought about getting married and having children, but there is so much more that I want to achieve in life. True, I don't actually have solid goals written down that I'm crossing off as I achieve them, but I still think there's so much more for me to do first.

Solicitor's brother called me yesterday and asked me how my business plan was coming along. I told him the truth. On paper it looks great but I'm terrified of taking the plunge.

"You've got nothing to lose now, Elise. Take the plunge."

I couldn't sleep last night. I feel like I'm on the edge of a diving board. I have to jump.